


The Surprises of Captain Kirk

by MagicMysticFantasy



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek (2009), Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Crazy situations, Gen, Genius!Kirk, Smart characters, Talented!Kirk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-28
Updated: 2017-04-08
Packaged: 2018-04-28 16:49:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 23,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5098022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MagicMysticFantasy/pseuds/MagicMysticFantasy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>These are a series of unconnected oneshots depicting Kirk's past, skills, quirks, and genius. They take place after Into Darkness, but several mention various things that happened either during or before the movie. The oneshots vary between the point of view of different members of the crew and various strangers of my own creation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Intro

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek or its characters, only my original ideas.
> 
> Note: Feel free to leave a comment or a kudos! They make my day and help me improve when offer constructive feedback! Hope you enjoy what I've written!

The crew of the USS Enterprise had accepted that they had an unusual captain. Not that any of them considered that a bad thing, quite the opposite in fact. However, it did mean that he was constantly surprising them with stories and skills that they hadn't known he possessed. Once they thought about it, the crew realized that they knew next to nothing about Kirk's past besides that fact that he was raised in Riverside, Iowa and had a mother in Starfleet, as well as the fact that he ascended the ranks faster than anyone in history, and held the record for being the youngest captain on record.

That being the case, they were always a little surprised if not shocked at the new tidbits of information that their captain allowed them to receive, and each person stored the information away to remember for as long as possible. Over the years, they grew used to the myriad of surprises, and began to enjoy the reactions of strangers and newcomers to their unusual captain.

Each person on board knew that their captain was unique. They knew that Kirk considered them family, and they felt honored at the title. They also knew that their captain would do anything in his power to keep them safe, and even a few things that logically shouldn't be possible. The crew members were what kept the Enterprise going, but Kirk was the glue that kept them together, and they all knew that.

Kirk's loyalty wasn't one-sided though. Every person would follow him to the edge of the universe and beyond, because they trusted him completely. That's not saying that his antics didn't irritate them to no end at times, but they knew that he would always put their best interests first without hesitation, a quality that was to be respected and treated like the gift it was. Indeed, there was not a member aboard that would ever regret the fact that their captain was James Tiberius Kirk.


	2. Machines

Machines

Kirk's communicator blipped, sounding loud in the peaceful silence of the Bridge. The noise drew the attention of several of the members, while others merely glanced over before continuing to work at their current stations after realizing that there was no urgent issue.

"Cap'n, this is Engineering. Ye might want to get down 'ere, we're havin' a wee bit o' trouble fixin' some o' the wirin'. Thought maybe ye could lend us a hand if yer free." Scotty's voice came from the device. Kirk tapped the communicator to respond.

"Sure thing, Scotty. I'll be right down." Kirk turned to his right. "Spock, come with me. We might need an extra pair of hands down there. Sulu, you have the conn. I trust you not to send us into mortal peril within the next half hour." He finished giving orders with a teasing smile towards the helmsman.

"You have my word sir." Sulu said with a grin as Kirk stood to go to the lift, closely followed by Spock. The captain pressed the button that would send them down to Scotty, and the doors whooshed shut. As the lift went down, Spock turned to Kirk who was to his left.

"Captain, I do not understand why it is that Officer Scott would ask you in particular to assist in repairs, especially ones as trivial as these seem to be. Additionally, to my current knowledge, you have had no training in the mechanics of a starship."

The doors opened, and the pair began to navigate their way through the bustling pathways of Engineering. Kirk stopped at a computer and found Scotty's location as he responded to the not-question his First Officer had almost asked.

"That's where you're wrong, Spock. I actually ended up taking an Advanced Engineering course my first year at the Academy." Missing the quizzical look Spock sent him, Kirk spotted Scotty and walked over to him. "Scotty! What seems to be the issue here?"

Scotty slid out from under the consul of a computer station and stood as he brushed himself off. He looked momentarily surprised to see the Vulcan beside Kirk, but soon forgot that as he registered the question the captain had asked him. He gestured to the computer as he responded.

"I'm tryin' to rewire it so it connects to the other controls down here faster, but whatever I end up tryin' jus' goes kaput almos' instantly!" Scotty waved his hands around for emphasis as he spoke. Kirk's eyes lit up at the challenge presented to him. He took Scotty's previous position under the consul and the engineer and Vulcan could hear him muttering to himself.

Scotty turned to Spock. " I wasn' expectin' to see ye down here as well, Commander. I suppose the cap'n probably brought ye with him, am I right?" Spock inclined his head in acknowledgement of the man's statement.

"That is correct. The captain believed I may be of some use. To quote him, I believe he said that he 'might be able to use an extra pair of hands'. I was not previously aware that he had any extensive training in the workings of a starship."

"Aye, I could barely believe it myself until he listed every piece of the core to me, and followed by beginning to explain the functions of each to me. Although, I think I would be happy if he never mentioned the core again to me after his… accident."

The memory of Kirk's death sent both of them into silence. Said captain slid out from under the consul and tapped a few buttons on it before turning to the now silent pair with a grin of triumph. He leaned back against the machine behind him and crossed his arms.

"There you go, Scotty, good as new." He noticed their expressions and immediately knew what they had previously been discussing. "You guys were thinking about my … incident with the core again." It wasn't a question but a statement. The pair opposite him nodded silently and Kirk sighed.

"Guys, I'm sorry. I really am. But the _Enterprise_ is my life; her and her crew. If something happened to either one of you, I'm not sure what I'd do." He fell silent as well for several moments before Spock suddenly spoke up.

"Captain, I am wondering why you were able to qualify to take an Advanced Engineering course your first year in the Academy, and the reason for doing so if you did not intend to become an Engineer." Kirk laughed slightly, the somber mood now behind them.

"Oh, right. To put it simply, I was bored. I had too much time on my hands, so I decided to take an additional class to fill that time up. It wasn't a particularly challenging course, but it occupied enough of my time to take it. I was only able to qualify for it because I had worked as a mechanic briefly in the past, so I tested into the Advanced level."

"Besides," he continued, "I think a captain should be able to understand his or her ship as well as or better than any member of its crew. In order to command something to the best of your capability, you need to understand it completely." Scotty and Spock watched as their captain's eyes turned fond and ran along the interior of the ship and over its engines.

Scotty's PADD blipped at him causing him to let out a mild curse and excuse himself from the other two that were with him. Blinking, Spock realized that they had spent almost a half hour down in Engineering, and informed his captain of that fact, causing them to return to the lift.

"I wish to inform you, Captain, that I find it quite admirable that you endeavor to understand the _Enterprise_ to the best of your ability. Not many in command carry the same dedication that you appear to." Spock said quietly once they were in the lift headed back to the Bridge.

To say Kirk was touched was an understatement. To have the Vulcan admit that he admired something that he had done was truly special to him, seeing as Spock rarely complemented someone- much less Kirk. He figured that was probably due to his sometimes irritating antics.

"Thank you, Spock. That means a lot to me. Really, thank you." Kirk looked his friend in the eye, and Spock was taken aback at the depth of the sincerity of those few short sentences. Before he had a chance to respond though, the doors to lift opened, and Kirk's name was called out as a member of the Bridge crew had a matter to discuss with him.

Later that evening, Nyota mentioned that he seemed slightly distracted, and asked if anything was wrong. He simply replied that he was merely adjusting to some newly acquired information on the captain, and told her what had transpired earlier that day. When he reached the part about the lift, he remembered the sincerity of the captain's words.

"The captain… he cares for the _Enterprise_ and her crew very deeply. More deeply, I believe, than any one of us shall ever know. Perhaps so deeply, even he himself does not fully realize. What I saw today was only a fraction of what I believe he feels, and the extent was startling, I must admit."

Nyota smiled gently at him. "If that's truly the case, then we are more privileged than we previously realized to have him command our ship." She suddenly laughed. "I can't really picture Kirk as anything other than a member of Starfleet. He really worked as a mechanic?"

"I too believe this to be where the captain is best suited. Indeed, he did claim to work as a mechanic briefly, thus allowing him to qualify for the advanced course he took at the Academy." For the rest of the evening, they swapped stories about Kirk and the mischief he had caused, both silently feeling rather fond of the captain and the love he held for his home and family.


	3. Musician

Musician

Kirk headed toward the empty lounge that he frequented so often that his Bridge crew had dubbed it Kirk's Lounge. He had recently begun using the piano that was tucked away in the corner of the room to help relax when he was feeling slightly stressed. He was pleasantly surprised to see that he hadn't lost the talent, despite not having touched the instrument in years. Eventually he was hoping to manipulate the replicator to add a guitar to the room.

Today they had received a shipment of medical supplies, and while they were being transferred, Kirk had needed to host the man overseeing the process. He was positive that the man was one of the most irritating people he had ever met, and he had met quite a few people in his life time. The man, who went by Mortison, was an arrogant, self-centered idiot Kirk had almost instantly decided.

Mortison had a nasally voice that had Kirk grinding his teeth with the first five minutes of meeting him. Also, the pompous idiot would not shut up for even five minutes, and had an opinion on everything from the amount of space between doorways to how Kirk captained his ship. He had _really_ wanted to point out the fact that the man wasn't the captain of his own ship (thank god), and thus had no experience in captaining a ship. He had kept himself from doing so for the two and a half hours that Mortison had been aboard, but by the time the man had left, Kirk was at his limit.

He arrived at his destination, and entered the room with a sigh of relief. Here he was away from judging eyes, the pressure to do everything correctly the first time around, and the almost overwhelming expectations he knew people had despite their best intentions. The now-familiar sight of a large instrument greeted his eyes.

The ancient piano had been extremely out of tune when Kirk had first tried playing it, but several hours of fine tuning later, that problem had been fixed. He now cast a quick glance around the room to ensure that he would be alone when he began to play, then walked over and eased himself down onto the piano bench.

For several moments, all he did was run his fingers over the keys that had become familiar to him since he had become captain. He started by playing simple pieces that even a child could have easily done. The simple sounds allowed him to slowly let go of his irritation, and once he was fully relaxed, he felt ready to play whatever he felt like.

Kirk began playing using more and more complex patterns and changing his speed. He closed his eyes and allowed the music to sink into him. He had always loved music, and when he was seven had eventually just up and decided one day to teach himself how to play. It had taken him several months of trial and error to figure out the mechanics of the piano, but once he had, he had just continued to improve, and he had eventually branched out to other instruments as well.

It was something that had baffled his mother and was simply tolerated by his brother, Sam, whenever they heard him talk about music, or his love of creating it. Winona was definitely more of a logic and statistics person, and Sam was simply just not that interested. Kirk had reluctantly given up on them ever being able to understand the _beauty_ and _complexity_ of music. Music had a set number of notes that could be used, but the way they were put together- the pattern, the speed, the pauses, _everything else_ \- was pure complexity, mathematics, and emotion. Without any of those three, all you would have is sounds making noise, perhaps in a pleasing manner, but sounds nonetheless.

_Music_ on the other hand is alive, Kirk had decided long ago. There is an infinite number of ways it can be put together, an infinite number of directions it could take. This sense of limitless possibility is what made Kirk's head spin, his heart pound, and his fingers play. _This_ was the reason he loved music so much. He loved any kind of music; after all, every kind was based on the very principle he loved. However classical music held a special place among all the other kinds, and Kirk had to assume that was due to it being one of the more complex genres.

By this point, he had begun to emerge from his music-induced, meditation-like trance. The tempo of his song slowed, and the sensual sounds eventually ended softly. Kirk sat and listened to the near silence in a peaceful calm that was uncommon for him, listening to the gentle hum of the ship's engines that resonated from far below him. Opening his eyes, he let out a soft sigh and reached over to pull the lid down over the keys. He cast one more appreciative glance at the instrument then stood and turned to leave. And promptly froze.

Standing by the door, eyes wide in surprise and admiration, were most of the members of the bridge crew, Bones, and several people from around the ship that Kirk vaguely recognized. His gaze flitted back to the piano sitting quietly now, with no sign that it had even been touched recently. However when his gaze had returned to the people by the door, he could tell that they had been there long enough to hear his music.

They stood there looking at each other in silence for several moments, and in one of the few times Kirk could remember, he felt himself flush slightly. He lowered his gaze and dipped his head slightly as he cleared his throat, hoping to relieve some of his unfamiliar anxiety and tension. He had no idea why he hadn't just _told_ his crew that he loved music so much. Maybe it was because he knew he would receive looks like the ones he was getting now. Hoping to escape the unnerving silence, he gave a brisk nod to the crewmembers, and began to walk to the door.

"Wait!" Uhura's voice stopped him in his tracks, and his shoulders tensed as he gave a hidden wince. He stayed facing the door, though he turned his head slightly to show her he was listening. "That was incredible! How long have you been able to play like that, and why did you never say anything?" At that, Kirk turned around fully in his shock.

"Yes," Chekov added in. "zhat was incredible. Which piece were you playing? Who taught you how to do zhat?" Kirk blinked several times in surprise at the string of questions the two had presented to him, before he ducked his head sheepishly and cleared his throat before responding.

"I taught myself how to play when I was seven, and I was just messing around a minute ago. I wasn't really playing anything, just letting the music flow." He then shrugged rather nonchalantly, despite his discomfort. "I didn't say anything because it never came up, and well, nobody I knew ever really seemed interested before, so I didn't see any need to."

"Hold up, kid." Bones said, frowning slightly. "You mean to tell me that _that_ was just composed on the spot?" At Kirk's slight nod, his eyebrows shot up. Several people exchanged startled glances, and Kirk finally decided that he was done being uncomfortable. After all, since when was James T Kirk ever embarrassed about anything, much less the fact that he was a musician?

"Guys, it really isn't that big a deal. I love music, and none of my family shared my interest, so it was a personal project. I taught myself to play piano, guitar, violin, clarinet, flute, drums, and the basics of saxophone and trumpet because I happen to think that music is beautiful, complex, and infinite. Anyway, it is _not_ as big a deal as you all are making it, end of story."

Based on the crew members widened eyes, they obviously had something more to say about that, and Kirk let out a mental sigh. They really were blowing this little incident way out of proportion. So he was a musician who knew how to play a variety of instruments well, so what? Deciding to forget it, he turned and continued on his earlier path out the door.

"Captain, may I request that you continue to play? I found the result quite… gratifying to listen to." Spock stated, interrupting Kirk's progress once again. He turned to look at his crew in slight disbelief, having expecting them to not share his interest like his family. Seeing their sincerity, an uncharacteristically shy grin appeared on his face.

"You really want to hear me play?" he asked, feeling only slightly childish at the question. At the answering nods, he looked over at the piano in the corner, and then back at them before making his way over to instrument that was the cause of the small confrontation a moment ago. He sat down, opened the lid again, and ran his fingers over the keys, feeling only slightly self-conscious as he saw his crew settle into nearby chairs to watch. Taking a steadying breath, he closed his eyes, smiled, and began to play.


	4. Garden

Garden

Sulu shifted his weight as he stood in the turbolift. None of the crew – except for Doctor McCoy obviously, and maybe Commander Spock – had seen the inside of the captain's quarters before. The doors _whoosh_ ed open, and the helmsman stepped out into the hallway. It was remarkably quiet in the upper levels of the ship. In fact, he was the only one in the halls. Needless to say, that realization did nothing to alter his uncomfortable feeling.

The Bridge crew had gotten roped into a game of Szinthorp by Scotty and Chekov. It was a complex game from one of the more obscure Federation planets, and despite its dozens of rules, it was actually pretty fun. Someone had suggested inviting the Trio (the captain, the First Officer, and the CMO, those three were almost always together these days) to play with them.

They had drawn straws.

Sulu had gotten the third shortest. It felt like the shortest.

There was an unspoken rule among the crew of the Enterprise. You never approached the captain in his own space. It wasn't a rule born out of fear (of Kirk at least, his 'bodyguards' Spock and McCoy on the other hand...), but one born out of respect. Despite the fact that he tried to hide it, the crew wasn't blind, and they certainly weren't stupid. Kirk was giving this job everything he had, doing more for the crew than any captain had a right to.

Kirk always seemed to know the names and interests of the crewmembers all over the ship, no matter how new they were. He would not-as-secretly-as-he-thought take work from them to lighten their loads. There was even a rumor that he had taken on the whole of the Admirality to get Scotty pardoned for the failed experiment that led to him being on Delta Vega. Sulu didn't quite believe that one. At most, he would have taken on three.

In return, the crew gave him the only gift they could: a space of privacy.

Thus, the reason for Sulu's current nerves. He was breaking a shipwide taboo, after all. He began walking, and scanned the labels on the several doors he passed. He vaguely noted that the number of doors combined with the amount of space on this floor meant that the rooms must be pretty huge. He found the right door at the end of the hall, and paused for a moment. He thought about the result of returning both empty-handed and without a response, and realized that by now he had no choice.

He then pressed on the alert button, and heard a several melodic notes come from inside. He blinked, not having anticipated the quiet noise in regards to his captain. His mind drifted over what he knew about the man, then admitted that maybe it wasn't all that unexpected after all.

"It's open, come on in!" he heard Kirk call in a muffled voice. Sulu hesitated one more time before tapping the button that would open the door, and it slid open quietly. Sulu was hit with a wave of warmth, and what smelled like fresh air. He didn't realize that he was inhaling it like it was water in a desert for several moments. He also hadn't realized how much he missed fresh air amidst the recycled, sterile air aboard the ship.

He took a step into the room and paused again. Everywhere he looked there was color – green being the dominating one. It was a bit of a shock, considering that everything else on the ship seemed to be a clinical white. As his eyes adjusted, he realized that the color came from plants that covered nearly every surface, even the walls. If there was anything else in the room besides plants, he couldn't tell.

Kirk came around a table containing several small trees. He was wearing a white, dirt-stained T-shirt, a pair of equally stained black sweats, and was barefoot. Sulu blinked, never having seen the captain in anything but his uniform and the black underlayer of the regulated clothing. When the captain saw who it was, his eyes brightened, and a dazzling smile lit up his features.

Sulu wondered briefly how _his_ presence could be the cause for that much joy, until he remembered that Kirk loved his job and crew with a fervor that made it seem like that was his life's purpose, so Sulu decided that it couldn't be taken personally. (That didn't stop the tendril of pleasure that came from being the focus of that much happiness – honestly, though, the man was like a puppy sometimes: ecstatic to see everyone no matter how recently he'd seen them last.)

"Sulu!" the captain exclaimed, wiping his hands off on a nearby rag. "What brings you here?" Sulu opened his mouth several times to respond, but kept getting distracted by their surroundings. Seriously though, how did he even _get_ all of these plants in here? There were at least several hundred in the room, hanging from the ceiling or walls, sitting on the floor, placed on tables or shelves. The result was nearly a jungle. Kirk caught on to his distraction, and grinned.

"Pretty cool, huh?" he said, gesturing to his plants. He walked over to an emerald one on a shelf and stroked a leaf with his finger. Sulu watched as it unfurled, and seemed to twine several tendrils through the air towards the man. Kirk cradled them in his hands, petting them like he would a dog, paying no mind to the sudden shift in the plant's color to a vibrant cobalt.

"Sulu, meet Shir'kikthe." He gestured to the plant. "She's a sentient plant from one of the forest planets at the edge of the Thorentian system. She changes color with her emotions, and can recognize voices and touch. Come on, she won't hurt you." At the captain's beckon, Sulu hesitantly walked forward. Keeping one hand intertwined with the plant, Kirk lightly took hold of Sulu's wrist and pulled his hand forward until his fingers brushed over the plant's tendrils.

The plant felt soft, and strangely warm. There was a pulse under the surface of the tendril he touched, and the brilliant cobalt was now laced with a muted orange. Several more tendrils disconnected from Kirk and wove towards the helmsman. Sulu glanced uncertainly at Kirk, and only saw reassurance in the captain's expression.

"Talk to her." he said softly, watching carefully as Shir'kikthe gently brushed the other man's face, arms, and hands with her tendrils. "Let her learn your voice." Sulu's gaze flicked back and forth between the two for several moments before awkwardly clearing his throat and turning towards the plant.

"Uh, hello Shir'kikthe. I'm Hikaru Sulu; I work with the captain aboard the ship. I help drive it." As he spoke, one of the tendrils rested against his throat, right where his voice was coming from. He chuckled nervously. "You're awfully friendly, aren't you?" He glanced at the captain to see if that was good enough, and received a nod in return.

"Nice job. You handled that better than Bones when he first realized that I'd gotten a plant for a pet." Kirk carefully disentangled both of them from the tendrils, and his next words addressed the plant. "C'mon now, Shir'kikthe. You have to let us go for now. I'll give you some of that nectar stuff Toring gave me tomorrow, though. I promise."

The plant protested briefly with a wash of dark brown, but her color soon returned to the original dark emerald as she furled up into a splay of leaves and stems again. Sulu blinked, not quite sure what to make of the experience, though he'd be lying if he said he wasn't interested in the plant. His side hobby wasn't botany for nothing, he'd just never met a plant-pet before.

"Shir'kikthe's species had no natural predators or threats, so they developed a consciousness of their own. I got her from a guy named Toring when on shore leave one time." He laughed slightly as he gestured for Sulu to follow him around a row of flowered plants so vibrantly colored, they almost hurt to look at. "Now _that_ was an interesting shore leave. I still never learned what happened to that circus performer after Bones got kidnapped by her horse. Long story." He said, catching Sulu's bewildered expression.

"Anyway, what brings you here?" he continued as they approached a cleared area on the other side of the flower wall. The space contained a bed, the closet, a mahogany bookcase with actual books, a vid-screen, and a table with several chairs surrounding it. A door to the left seemed to lead to the bathroom he shared with his First Officer. It was a small but cozy space, surprisingly plant-free. "Not that I'm upset or anything, it's just usually only Spock or Bones come to find me here. Not really sure why that is." he mused aloud.

Sulu was mildly surprised to hear that, given that the captain usually knew everything about the crew. Apparently shipwide taboos weren't included in that 'everything'. At Kirk's gesture, he sat across from him at the table. The chairs were surprisingly plush, given their thin and hard appearance.

"Oh, right. The Bridge crew was playing – or learning to play – Szinthorp, and decided to extend the invitation to you, Doctor McCoy, and the commander as well." Kirk's eyes lit up again, and he let out a laugh.

"Someone's going to try and convince Spock and Bones to play a game? Wish I could be there to watch." He laughed again, and Sulu felt himself grin as well at the thought of the resulting conversations and expressions. Maybe he had gotten lucky with the third-shortest straw after all, despite the taboo he'd had to break.

"Sounds like fun." The captain said, standing up and moving to the closet. "Just give me a minute to change and clean up a bit, and I'll walk down with you. Man, I haven't played Szinthorp in forever. I hope I haven't lost my edge." Kirk grabbed a yellow command shirt, a pair of black pants, and the required black undershirt, and walked into the bathroom.

Sulu glanced around him, examining the space a little more thoroughly. His attention was drawn once again by the brightly colored flowers that walled off this section of the room. As his gaze drifted over them, he caught sight of a plant that was a dark maroon. It was in a pot beside his chair, and was pretty much all leaves. The helmsman reached out a hand to brush his fingers along the uppermost leaf.

"Careful." Sulu's fingers had been about to touch the leaf when his captain's voice had him jerking around again. He was met with the sight of the captain he was most familiar with: Starfleet uniform, shoes, and dirt free. "That plant excretes a toxin that will dissolve your skin. I meant to return that to the poisonous section of the room, but I got called away to deal with a problem in Engineering and it slipped my mind."

Sulu looked at the deceptively innocent plant, and make the executive decision to not touch anything else in the room without seeing the captain touch it first. Seemingly unconcerned with potentially dissolving his skin, Kirk scooped up the pot, and motioned for Sulu to come with him. They reentered the rest of the room, and the captain gently set the pot in an empty space on one of the shelves across the room. The man turned, and clapped his hands together, a mischievous grin on his face.

"Right," he said enthusiastically, "let's go play some Szinthorp!" Sulu laughed aloud as the captain rushed out the doors, bouncing on his feet as he waited for the helmsman. He cast a final glance around Kirk's contained paradise, and followed the man out of the room towards their friends, and what was sure to be an interesting game of Szinthorp.


	5. Kin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: As a mini Easter-egg type of thing, I shall say this: the Troidian language (farewell phrase only) can actually be turned into English pretty simply. As a clue, remember wizards and mirrors that don't show an accurate reflection. Good luck!

Kin

"Fascinating." The Troidian's voice is so much like his first officer's that Kirk burst out laughing. Uhura sent him a reprimanding glance, and the action has said first officer glancing at him with barely hidden exasperation. The Troidian wasn't offended however, and his lips curled into a smile as he sank back onto his haunches.

The Troidians were an interesting race of beings, Kirk had thought ever since he'd first met them. From the waist up, they looked surprisingly human, though their features were slightly more . . . feline in nature. From the waist down, they were a four legged, dark furred beast. Their lower halves were rather similar to what a wolf-cat hybrid might look like.

Despite how advanced they were, the Troidians lived simply. They preferred to live with their surroundings, not simply in them. They hunted their food without the aid of weapons, and lived in the carved out centers of tree trunks hundreds of feet wide. Their main form of weaponry – used only against rival _paqthai,_ the other clans of their people – were elegant bows made from a rare native plant. Their arrows were made from the glass of a nearby volcano. Despite that, the arrows themselves were nearly as hard as diamonds, and almost impossible to break.

"Sorry," Kirk said as he recovered, hoping that despite the Troidian's lack of irritation, he hadn't offended him. "You sounded a lot like Spock right then, and I couldn't help it. I'm sorry if that was offensive to you, I didn't mean to potentially insult you by laughing." The Troidian, Kurnag, he remembered, smiled wider in response.

"Nonsense. Life's trials are frequent and often difficult. It is good to find joy where one can. Causing laughter amongst one another is one of the things that the _paqthai_ most value. It brings me joy in return to have unintentionally caused it in you." Kirk blinked at the unexpected response.

"Er, well, glad to help." He began to shake off his slight awkwardness as he continued to speak. "Now, I hear that there is a test of trust involved before a treaty can be made?" Kurnag gave a lazy blink of acknowledgment as he dipped his head into a nod. His lower half stood fully, bringing the Troidian to his full height of about eight and a half feet.

"Indeed. I assume you are unaware of the _Verrashkan_?" At their blank expressions, he nodded, and explained. "The _Verrashkan_ is a test of someone's trustworthiness. It involves one of the _paqthai_ making a mental connection with another. In this case, that is one of you. During the test, your consciousness will offer up a piece of information that it deems worthy of evaluation. It is impossible to hide from the test, as it affects the subconscious." Here, Kurnag turned to Spock.

"I am well aware of your species and their mental control. However, even Vulcans can not control their subconscious to the level that would be required to manipulate the test. For your test, I have been selected by the other leaders to represent the whole of the _paqthai_ for the examination. Which of you shall offer yourself up to the test?"

None of the away party was thrilled to have their subconscious offering up information on them, but they knew that one of them had to. Kirk knew that it was his job as captain to take the fall for the others, and so he stepped forward. Kurnag's obsidian eyes seemed to stare into him as he did so, and the Troidian's head tilted to the side.

"Fascinating," he repeated from earlier. "Very well. Are you ready to begin?" Kirk took a steadying breath, then nodded. The Troidian moved forward with a fluid grace that seemed to strangely fit his large size, despite what one would think. Kurnag stopped only a couple of feet from the captain. Kirk had to look up to meet his eyes. Then he couldn't any longer as the Troidian closed his own in concentration and reached out to rest a hand on Kirk's shoulder.

All was silent for several moments as Kurnag waited for Kirk's mind to show him what it deemed worthy. Kirk had no idea what would be shown; he just hoped that it wasn't one of his exploits, but knowing his luck, it would probably be something in the same realm of usefulness. Meaning, something completely unhelpful to their current goal. Sometimes he really hated the 'Kirk luck' that seemed to be inherited. Kirk was brought out of his thoughts as Kurnag opened his eyes, though they still appeared glazed.

"There are two men featured in what your subconscious has decided to show me." Kirk briefly wondered if they were Spock and Bones. He hoped that's who they were; he isn't really too fond of some of the other prominent male figures in his life. "They are surrounded by hate, and anger, and loss." So, not Spock and Bones. Suddenly it clicked, and Kirk felt dread pool within him. He knew who they were.

"You hate them, however you see something of yourself within them. You recognize them as kin, despite wishing to eradicate any ties to them you have. The first . . . Nero, I believe . . . he lost everything he ever knew and cared about. His grief turned to rage, and he turned on the ones he believed played a part in that loss.

"You fear that darkness, because you can see it in yourself. You know that if you were put into the same circumstances, you would not do any differently. Even now you can see yourself avenging those you love, even to the extent of destroying a planet. The idea of doing something that destructive, and then feeling no remorse afterwards, terrifies you beyond anything you've ever known."

Kirk felt dizzy, his breathing labored as he took in what was being said. His eyes screwed shut, and his head lowered. His hands shook from their places in fists by his sides. Kurnag was troubled; Kirk could hear it in his voice. He could feel the burning stares of the away team at his back, but couldn't make himself return their gazes. Kurnag continued.

"There is a phrase surrounding the other . . . Khan, he is called. 'Is there anything you would not do to protect your family?' It is as deeply interwoven with him as fear and pain is. You recognize his darkness within yourself as well. He was willing to destroy innocent lives to avenge his crew, his family. You have learned to hold on tight to that which you love, for it is often taken from you. You love your crew, for they are _your_ family.

"You know that you would tear worlds apart at their seams to avenge them should they be taken from you. You live in a constant fear of them dying, for you know that what would result would be a destruction beyond anything their killers would ever do, for you would destroy everything in your path, and you know you are capable of exactly that.

"You live in a constant fear of your internal darkness." Kurnag's eyes began to clear, and he looked at Kirk anew. The captain was shaking in a rare display of what he felt is weakness. Even when Kirk is injured, he doesn't allow himself to appear weak, still going down with a fight. However, with a short monologue from the Troidian in front of him, he was now reduced to his current state.

"I understand if you no longer wish to arrange a treaty with the Federation." Kirk's words were clipped, and he was studiously avoiding the gazes of everyone present. His eyes were locked on the spines of a nearby plant, tracing their shapes. "I know that I probably failed the test just now, and I also got the impression that we only had one chance to pass. I apologize for wasting your time."

"You believe that you have failed the _Verrashkan_?" For the first time, the Troidian's words were sharp, causing Kirk to look up with a start. "On the contrary. You have passed far beyond what was expected. A man who has looked his own darkness in the eye and managed to contain it again is one of the most trustworthy the _paqthai_ know." At Kirk's shocked and confused expression, he elaborated.

"Few people ever look their own demons in the face, and even fewer are able to overcome them. For you to not only have overcome yours, but then fear them ever returning is a sign that you are to be trusted, because someone who knows and fears their own darkness is far more likely to make sure it never shows itself again.

"I also saw what I believe you yourself do not see. Yes, there was darkness in what I was shown, however there was also an overwhelming amount of light. You have shown that you contain boundless loyalty, deep-rooted love, and incredible courage despite your difficulties. These are traits to be admired in any individual."

Kirk was speechless as he stared at the Troidian. He was pretty sure his mouth had fallen open, but he was too shocked by the analysis of himself to care. He had never felt so laid open in front of someone in his life. He has never let people that close, despite knowing that he should from time to time. Even Bones was held at a slight distance, albeit a lot closer than most. There is something about having someone look at the essence of who you are, see your biggest fears and faults, and then have them still look at you with friendship – even admiration – that is rather unsettling for him.

"Thank you." he finally managed to croak out. He was aware that he had turned slightly red from the experience, and he still felt a little lightheaded. At the moment, he didn't care, he just wanted to rest. Kurnag seemed to pick up on that fact, and looked at him sympathetically.

"The _Verrashkan_ is a trying experience. I will announce the result to the _paqthai_ and allow you to rest. We will go over the treaty tomorrow when you have recovered. Farewell, my friend. _Enih suoyn ihtiwt hgil ehtyam._ " Kirk returned the customary farewell, then watched as Kurnag turned and burst into a fluid lope into the surrounding trees, his body bending and weaving as if his bones were made of rubber.

For the first time since the test had begun, Kirk turned to look at the rest of the landing party. There are no judgmental looks, as he was sort of expecting. Instead, there is understanding and reassurance, and an overwhelming amount of sheer _friendship_. His gaze stayed on Bones the longest, his first and closest friend. The doctor paused, his eyes roaming over his friend's face, before he sighed, and rested his hand on the same shoulder Kurnag had. He met Kirk's eyes steadily as he spoke.

"C'mon kid, let's head home." The relief that spread throughout his body at that was startling, and Kirk nearly wavered. Bones's hand on his shoulder steadied him, though, and he kept it together, at least for now. He turned his gaze skyward, in the direction he knew the _Enterprise_ is, and smiled slightly.

"Yeah, you're right." Casting one more glance at their surroundings, he tapped his communicator. "Kirk to _Enterprise_ , six to beam up. Bring us home."


	6. Expanded

The moment their shift was over, the Bridge crew was racing through the hallways (or speed walking, in Spock's case) towards the Medbay to see the Captain. Two days ago, they had been attacked on an away mission, and the Captain had gotten pretty badly injured. He'd been unconscious since they'd gotten back, and was refused visitors until his condition had improved. Just half an hour ago, the Bridge had gotten an alert that after their shift (and only after, the note had mentioned) they could go and see Kirk.

When they reached Medbay, they could hear Doctor McCoy ranting at someone. Spock was about to enter the room, but Sulu put his arm out to block him. The half-Vulcan raised an eyebrow, but at their pleading looks, nodded and remained silent. The group quietly move to the door by an unspoken agreement, and remained quiet to listen.

" - three times! Don't you get it Jim? You could have died this time! You have got to be more careful on your away trips, or one of these days I might not be able to save you. You might die on my operating table, and where do you think that will leave me?" There was a short pause. "I swear, it's like you have no fear about your own mortality."

"I don't." The response was barely audible, and the voice rough from disuse. It was the Captain. Unconsciously, each of the hovering group leaned in a bit to hear him better. "I'm not afraid of death. Never have been, even when I was a child. I fear it even less now." There was the sound of machines whirring and metal clinking in the following silence.

"So, what? You're just going to throw yourself headfirst into danger just because you aren't afraid? Just because you can?" Doctor McCoy's voice was sharp, but held traces of hurt and concern for his friend.

"No. That's not fair to you, for one. I'm also not looking to get myself killed anytime soon. I've had enough of dying for the rest of my lifetime." A collective sharp breath was drawn. The subject of the Captain's death was 'off-limits' unless he brought it up himself, which he rarely did. Discussing it was like rubbing salt in an open wound. It had been a while since his incident, but the memory still hurt. "You can ask me, you know. About dying. I don't mind, and it's obvious everyone's more than a little curious. Ever since it happened, all of you have been walking on eggshells around the topic."

"Can you blame us? We had just lost you, and despite what you think, you are the glue that holds this crew together. It was a hard loss." There was a momentary pause. ". . . What was it like? What did you see? Or maybe feel, I guess. Whatever." There was a thoughtful silence as the Captain considered his words.

"It was painful." He admitted, and the crew felt a brief spike of pain in there chests at the statement. "Although that was probably more due to the way I died than the actual death itself. I was being cooked alive from the inside due to the radiation. My body hurt, and it felt like I was coming apart at the seams. As I got closer, though, it began to hurt less. I was afraid then, I won't deny that, but I wasn't afraid of death. I was afraid of leaving all of you, of Khan hurting you, of never seeing all of you again . . ." His voice trailed off, and it was several minutes before he continued.

"I began to feel like I was shutting down. Like I was passing out, or going to sleep. Seconds before my body died, though, it felt like I was waking up. Suddenly, I realized that I didn't _need_ my body anymore. It felt too small and tight, like a sweater that shrunk five sizes in the wash. So, I let it go." Kirk laughed incredulously at the memory.

"Bones, you can't believe how much there is in this universe alone, much less the others. After I left my body, I . . . expanded, for lack of a better word. I was everywhere, in everything. There is _so much_ that we don't know and haven't seen. So much that we'll never understand or find. But for a moment, I felt it all. I don't remember all of it, but I remember enough to know that it was beautiful. Bones, I was part of the _stars_."

His last words were said with such a reverent longing that the crew almost felt cruel for having fought so hard to take him away from them. His description of death was beautiful, even as it was terrifying. Being that big, and a part of so many things . . . The idea was daunting. There was a silence in the room that told them that McCoy felt the same way.

"What happened next?" He asked quietly, solemn in a way they rarely saw. Kirk was quiet for a moment, trying to figure out what to say, and to not get overwhelmed by his memories. The crew was riveted, and had been ignoring the strange looks they were getting from others as they hovered outside of Medbay.

"You know how it looks when a vacuum sucks up a piece of fabric? How the fabric is tugged at in one spot and folds in on itself before it's sucked up? That's the closest I can come to describing what it felt like to wake up again. My body was the vacuum, and I was the one getting sucked up. In my expanded state, things seemed rather timeless. However, it felt like only a couple of heartbeats went by before I was sucked back. In the following weeks, I had to readjust to the feeling of my own body. It was strange, and even now I occasionally feel a little constricted, but the sensation is less severe and less frequent these days, and it definitely is going away."

"Well, you certainly can give a guy a lot to think about." McCoy said lightly, after he absorbed the information. A quiet laugh from the Captain followed. After a moment of hesitation, the doctor spoke again. "So, after that description, you expect me to believe you really aren't trying to get back to your 'expanded state' again?"

"Yes. Like I said, it isn't fair to you guys if I tried – especially with all of the hard work you went to so you could get me back. Besides, I have a lot of living left to do. The expanded state will always be there, but all of this? Life? It won't be. I have to live it while I can, and it wouldn't be worth it if I constantly wanted to be somewhere else. So no, I don't want to go back there just yet. I'll save that for the prize at the end of the race that I hope ends many years in the future."

There was the sound of rustling, and a sound that announced the doctor had just clapped his friend on the shoulder, no doubt being mindful of his friend's injuries. The listening crew felt something deep inside. It felt like peace and longing, mixed up with a little bit of joy.

"That's good to hear, kid. Despite being a pain in the ass, you're also my best friend, I don't want all of my hard work to go to waste so soon. And if anyone deserves a prize like that at the end of their life, you do."

"Thanks, Bones."

Deciding that now would be a good time to announce their presence, Uhura stepped through the door, causing the others to hurriedly follow. They tried to seem like they had been walking for a while, not scrambling after eavesdropping for a while. Their entrance drew the attention of both the doctor and the Captain. The latter's face lit up and a beam formed on his face.

"Hey guys! Been taking care of my ship for me while I was out?" The Captain's voice was as bright as his smile, and many of the Bridge crew felt their own smiles forming at the sight of his enthusiasm. They glanced among themselves with fondness, before Spock stepped forward to respond to the man who lived for the stars.

"Always, Captain."


	7. Haunted

Uhura had noticed the change in Kirk's behavior and body language two days ago when they had received their newest assignment from an Admiral that she herself hadn't recognized, but who Kirk had obviously been familiar with. The Admiral had looked inexplicably apologetic the entire time he had spoken to Kirk, which was a rarity itself. Usually orders came by written message on a PADD.

Kirk had displayed no obvious tension after the video ended, and Uhura had a feeling that if she hadn't been a Communications officer, then she wouldn't have noticed the tensing in his shoulders, or the fact that he could not stop moving, even if it was only a finger twitching. In fact, Uhura suspected that she was one of only three that even noticed that anything had happened. The others were of course Dr. McCoy, since he was Kirk's best friend, and Spock. Being half Vulcan, he really had remarkable observation skills, and it was due to them that Uhura was certain he had noticed.

She didn't have much to go on, but she did know that what was bothering the captain had something to do with their assignment. They were supposed to go down to a nearby planet, whose trial colony from more than a decade ago had failed, and gather soil samples and information so Starfleet could decide if a new colony was going to be formed. Nearly all the people who had lived there when the colony had failed had moved off planet, and the few who remained had remained separate from each other.

She had been pulled aside by the captain yesterday and told that it would be a small away team beaming down to the planet. In the end, it would just be Kirk, herself (so she could get a feel for the layout and plan for easy communications in any future rebuilding) , and three scientists from various fields going down. She was curious, but didn't question him. That didn't mean that her curiosity was gone, but something was seriously bothering the captain, so she decided not to press the matter.

Now, she was waiting with the three scientists in the transporter room. The only person missing was the captain himself. Just when she thought he might not show, he strolled through the doors, seemingly without a care in the world. To her trained eyes however, she could see his tension in the lines around his eyes, his smile that didn't quite reach his eyes, and his constant movement.

"Alright guys, let's head on down. Remember, disturb as little as possible, and don't get lost. The fields on Tarsus IV are large, and the grasses grow higher than your shoulders in some places. Be quick, we're beaming back aboard the _Enterprise_ in three hours, no later." Kirk then gave a quick nod to the man working the controls, and Uhura felt the familiar sensation of being transported from one location to another.

She opened her eyes and found herself in the middle of a field of waist-high grass. She looked at the rest of the group, and saw that they were just as disoriented as she was. Kirk turned to the right to look at the mountains not too far away, and seemed to get his bearings after several moments. He turned his gaze to the scientists.

"Alright. The places you need to test should be several hundred yards forward and to our left. The old town is just across from that. Come on." With that, Kirk set off through the grass. After exchanging hesitant glances, the other four followed him. Uhura glanced to the right at the mountains Kirk had apparently used as landmarks, but found no defining features, causing her to eye the back of the captain's head curiously.

He seemed to be very familiar with their surroundings. Maybe he had studied a map of the terrain beforehand. Given Kirk's record with missions and tests, Uhura wouldn't have put it past him to not have learned the entire history of the planet. Still, he was not acting like himself.

The team waded through the grass that got shorter and further spaced out the longer they walked. About ten minutes later, they arrived at the end of the grass field and saw the location they were assigned to study. To their left, there were several large fields that were overgrown with weeds. Nonetheless, they could still see the furrows and mounds in the earth where crops had been planted long ago.

To their right they could see the old colony's town. The buildings were dilapidated, charred, and clearly abandoned. Over the tops of several caved in roofs, they could see a large, grey stone monument. Uhura removed her gaze from the large stone just in time to catch the end of Kirk's orders to the three scientists. They nodded in response and drifted off to the fields to begin their work. Her captain turned to look at the town, and a strange look flashed across his face before he plastered on a smile.

"Looks like it's just you and me now. Come on, the town square's down this way. We can make our way around from there." With that, Kirk began walking. Uhura's suspicions that something was wrong were confirmed. James T. Kirk never turned down an opportunity to flirt with her, even if he didn't really mean anything by it. Still, she got the feeling he wouldn't appreciate her prying at this moment in time.

She followed Kirk as they walked through the streets, the stone monument getting bigger and bigger as they got closer to it. Uhura took in the abandoned town with a sorrow she couldn't explain. Something terrible had obviously happened here, she thought as she caught sight of a house that had been torched. She found her feet moving slowly towards it until she was standing at the threshold of the old house. She cast her gaze around the inside of the house, filled with the same strange sorrow from earlier, as well as the slightly unnerving feeling that the house wasn't as abandoned as it appeared.

Her eye was caught by a doll lying on the floor by the front door, its dress charred by flame that was now long gone. Tears filled her eyes, and she stepped towards it, her hand reaching out to pick it up. Her fingers were about to brush the fabric when a hand gently grabbed her own. She jumped and spun around to see Kirk looking serious for once. She met his eyes, and she very nearly reeled back from the amount of sorrow contained in them.

"It's not good to disturb the ghosts." Kirk said, casting a sad glance around the old house. "They only hold bad memories of a time that has long since passed. It's fine to look, just try not to touch." Kirk's voice was quiet, almost as if he was trying to keep from waking someone up. Uhura remembered her feeling from earlier, where she had felt that the house might not be fully abandoned after all. She cast an uneasy glance at the rest of the house as she allowed Kirk to lead her back to the street. She followed behind him for several moments before she couldn't stay silent any longer.

"Kirk," she began, forgoing his title for the moment, "What happened here? I've been getting this feeling of sadness ever since we arrived, and it's obvious something bad happened here that caused the colony to fail more than ten years ago." Kirk stopped walking and took a moment before he turned back to look at her.

"The sadness you're feeling is the sorrow left over from the survivors of a massacre that happened here twelve years ago." He ignored her shocked expression and continued on. "A disease wiped out all the crops in the colony, creating a famine that took hundreds of lives. A tyrant called Governor Kodos took control and made two lists of people to 'help' people survive: those who were weak and unworthy, and those who deserved to survive. His militia took care of the rest.

"The massacre lasted for months, with no communications able to be transmitted. Starfleet had no idea something was wrong until the massacre had already happened. They were able to put a stop to Kodos, but by that point, over seventy-five percent of the colony had died. There were only several hundred survivors, and only nine of them could identify Kodos on sight. They're called the Tarsus Nine. The monument in the center of town is there to honor the dead."

Uhura felt tears streaming down her face as she heard the horrific tale. She finally understood the sorrow she had both felt and seen since entering the village. Kirk's comments about ghosts also made more sense now. Kirk didn't say anything, and didn't seem to judge her as he waited for her to finish mourning the lives that had been lost. After a while, she felt well enough to compose herself again, and she asked a question that had been on her mind for a while.

"How come nobody knows about this?" she asked softly. Kirk's eyes flashed with slight anger that she knew wasn't directed at her as he shook his head.

"Starfleet knew they screwed up. They pulled dozens of strings to make sure their failure to help was kept on the down low. In other words, this was one of the biggest cover ups in history. It's one of the few things about Starfleet that I absolutely can't stand." Uhura eyed him curiously.

"If that's the case, then won't they get mad at you for telling me? Will you get in trouble?" she asked in concern. Despite their past disagreements, neither of them hated each other. Kirk was kind of like the brother or troublesome cousin she never had. Kirk's face darkened at the question.

"They might get mad, but they wouldn't dare tell me to keep my mouth shut." With that cryptic response delivered, Kirk turned and continued walking. Uhura wanted to ask more questions, but Kirk was obviously done answering them. She followed him, and they finally made it to the town square.

The huge grey monument stood in the very center, on top of what was once a platform- more of a round stage, really- used for public speeches. It was rectangular in shape, and reached about twenty feet high. Carved into the stone were names about an inch high written in cursive. Winding around the base of the pillar were the words: _The life of the dead is placed in the memory of the living._ Uhura thought it was sadly poetic. She looked up and up and up at the tall monument, and felt queasy as she realized exactly how many names were carved into the stone.

She looked away, and her gaze was drawn to a nearby street that looked less charred than the rest, though it looked more battered. She glanced at her captain, and realized that he too was staring at the street. His eyes were glazed as he slowly made his way down the street. He stopped in front of the third house on the left, and merely stood at the fallen gate, looking at a word that was written on the weather stained boards. As Uhura came up next to him, her breath caught, and her gaze flew to the man beside her. There, written neatly in black lettering was the word _Kirk_.

"Jim?" she asked softly, almost dreading hearing any of the possible explanations. He didn't respond for several moments, and she realized that he hadn't even heard her. She reached a hand out and lightly rested it on his shoulder. He started, and turned to look at her. Seeing her questions in her expression, he heaved a sigh.

"My father's brother lived here with his wife and two kids." He said quietly, gently pushing open the gate and walking towards the front door. Uhura hesitated, then followed behind him. "I was sent to live here when I was thirteen. Of course, after the massacre, I had nobody left to stay with here. I went back to Earth when I was fourteen. I wasn't here for long, but this house was more of a home to me than any place on Earth ever was."

He offered no further explanation, and Uhura didn't pry. She was actually surprised he'd shared as much as he had, because although he was friendly and open with what he thought about things, he was very closed off when it came to his past and himself. Based on their current surroundings, she couldn't really blame him. They stepped through the front door, and Uhura was shocked at its gutted appearance.

It was like someone had thrown things around the room haphazardly, and then taken a phaser to the walls - one that was set to kill. With the story Kirk had told her outside, it wasn't that hard to guess that her suspicions were actually what had happened. She glanced at Kirk, and noticed that he was staring at a spot in the center of the living room. When he began to speak, his voice was wavery, and a little weaker than normal.

"My aunt was standing over there when Kodos's men broke in. I was watching from the window, having run home from the town square to warn her. I didn't make it in time. I was hiding in the bushes when they took her life. I didn't stick around. My cousins were in the backyard, and I had just enough time to grab them and run. I heard the phasers, and my uncle never came out of the house. We hid in the fields for two days, not daring to try and find food or water. While we were out there, we found more kids hiding from the militia. They were all younger than I was, and wanted to stay with us."

With some difficulty, Kirk seemed to shake himself free of his memories, and looked up at Uhura. She had teared up again, but none of them escaped. Kirk cast another glance around the space, then motioned for her to follow him back to the street. After leaving the house, the outside seemed too bright and cheery, even with all the destruction around them. Kirk closed the gate gently, and looked once more at the home his family had once inhabited, then turned away. Uhura followed his lead, and they ended up back at the monument in the town square.

"So, what do you think? Can communication centers be set up here for future colonies easily? Any problems?" Kirk asked her, reminding Uhura of the whole purpose of their trip down to the surface. She cast her gaze around, and saw many easy locations for them, and could easily picture the required technology and structures being built here.

"Yes, they would be very easy to build." she turned to Kirk, who looked uneasy, and like he was hurting and trying to hide it. She tried to look at the place through his eyes. While most people saw this planet as an opportunity, Starfleet saw it as a way to cover up their mistakes and relieve their guilt. She could only imagine that the survivors of the massacre saw a graveyard that was about to be desecrated.

"But I don't think they should be built." She hadn't realized what she was saying until she had already said it. Kirk's eyes shot to hers. Despite her own surprise at her words, she met his gaze steadily. "This place shouldn't be covered up by another. It deserves to be here, to remind anyone who finds it or remembers it what it stands for. This is one big grave, and building something over it would be the same as desecrating it. It's not right."

Kirk looked at her with a surprise that soon turned into gratitude. If she wasn't mistaken, there was also a little bit of pride in his expression. He glanced at the sun, and began walking back towards the fields, motioning for her to come along as well. Uhura checked the time, and realized that they had already been in the town for several hours. It felt like a lot less time than that had passed. They kept walking, and soon caught sight of the other members of the team heading towards them in the fields.

"So, what did you guys find?" Kirk's voice held no trace of his earlier sadness, and had Uhura not seen it for herself back in the town, she wouldn't have known anything had been wrong. The rest of the team obviously saw nothing wrong, and one of the men stepped forward.

"We discovered that the ground here is completely -"

"Infertile." Uhura cut the man off. "Completely infertile and incapable of supporting crops." At the strange look the three scientists gave her, she raised an eyebrow at the man in a perfect imitation of Spock. He studied her for a moment, then moved his eyes back towards the town behind them. After a moment of silence, he turned back to them.

"Of course. It was one of the reasons the original colony failed in the first place, after all. They were unable to grow enough food. We should report to Starfleet that the problem still hasn't improved in the last decade, and that starting a new colony here would be unwise." Kirk looked at the man with an unreadable expression, before nodding his assent.

"Alright. Good work. Let's get back to the ship." They all nodded, and began double checking their things. When they were ready to go, they hailed the _Enterprise_ and beamed back aboard the ship. Uhura was about to step off the landing pad when a hand caught her arm. She turned to see the Captain looking at her intently.

"Thank you, Uhura. For what you did back there. You didn't have to, and I know that if news got out about this, it could put your career on the line. So thank you for doing that." Uhura smiled slightly at him, vaguely noting that everyone but the transport operator had left the room.

"You're welcome. It wasn't just for you though." she said, looking at him seriously. "It was for everyone whose lives were either destroyed or taken on that planet. I saw that monument down there. The people who cared for them put that there, and removing the reminders of what happened would not only insult the dead, but the living as well. Keeping that reminder there is worth my career. I would only lose my job if it's discovered. They lost their lives." Kirk studied her for a moment, then smiled.

"You're a good person, Uhura, and a good officer." There was a brief moment of silence. "We should probably get back to the Bridge to make that report to Starfleet. I bet they'll be wondering what we thought of the place." Uhura nodded her assent, and as they walked towards the lift cast her thoughts back to the planet they had just left behind.

The ghosts of the dead would finally have their peace, able to be left alone apart from those who really cared and remembered them. The monument would remain where it was, and perhaps another decade in the future - or even several - others would come to Tarsus IV. Perhaps they would find the monument amidst the ruins of a time long past. Perhaps they would realize what had happened, or maybe one of them would have been there or remembered the stories.

In the bright light of a ship floating above a planet haunted by the ghosts of the past, Uhura smiled.


	8. Luck: Part One

If you asked the crew of the _Enterprise_ what kind of luck their captain had, they would say that he had bad luck. Possibly the worst luck of anyone who had ever existed. It also wasn't just restricted to minor things like card games or lottery tickets. No, when the infamous 'Kirk Luck' acted up, it was always something big and important.

It went without saying that their captain's Kirk Luck was inherited through the Kirk side of his family, even if it was magnified exponentially in the captain. On the day George Kirk reached his goal of becoming a captain, he also died. On the day James Kirk was born, he lost his father in an attack that took hundreds of lives, and set the stage for a later battle. The resulting radiation from the exploded core was also enough to give him a lifetime of potentially lethal allergies to nearly everything.

Next there was the issue of a grief-stricken and distant mother and a stepfather that was either negligent, abusive, or something else entirely. The crew still wasn't entirely sure which it was – in the rare times that he mentioned Frank, Kirk didn't talk about the man like he had been abused by him, but there was too much animosity for there to simply have been neglect, so _something_ had to have happened between them.

Then there was the whole thing with Tarsus IV that several of the crew knew about, but they didn't like to linger on it whenever it was brought to mind.

After that there was a string of unexpected neutrality from the universe until Kirk looked his gift horse in the mouth and was called up in front of his peers for cheating on the Kobayashi Maru, and was almost expelled from Starfleet Academy. Now that all of the grief and drama surrounding Nero was over and Kirk's trial had been finished, everyone knew that Kirk hadn't cheated, he'd simply outsmarted the program.

Apparently he had researched the simulation to the point of obsession. According to Doctor McCoy, Kirk had spent months watching old recordings of previous trials, running formulas and practice simulations, researching every person running the program. Then he'd found out that Spock was the creator. From there he worked out that the Maru was based on logic, so the way to beat it was to be illogical, and the most illogical thing to do was to do nothing. The program was so confused by Kirk's inaction that it allowed him to win.

Of course, the trial had been interrupted by the showdown that had been coming for several decades. Kirk's awful Kirk Luck had kicked in again, and once again disaster followed in its wake. Though he was able to stop the _Enterprise_ before it was destroyed, he hadn't had enough time after hearing the announcement to warn the other ships as well, something the crew knew the captain still felt guilty over.

Then he was able to dismantle Nero's drill, but not before his goal had been accomplished enough to destroy all of Vulcan with his nightmarish Red Matter. The resulting chaos then resulted in Kirk getting jettisoned onto Delta Vega. The crew was still a little fuzzy on the following details, but somehow he managed to get back to the ship. (Despite not knowing what had happened, the crew was certain his Kirk Luck had kicked in again on the ice planet. There was no way he could have sustained several of the injuries he'd had unless his bad luck began working on him.)

Although, almost immediately after his return, he was forced to emotionally compromise an enraged half-Vulcan and was nearly choked to death. From there on out, the string of unfortunate occurrences that led to Nero's defeat weren't really luck any longer – that is, apart from the final moment with the black hole.

After everything they had been through, the ship (now Kirk's) was almost sucked into the black hole after Nero's ship. This was one of the big things that made the crew begin to realize that Kirk's luck _sucked_ , and that it was actually his Kirk Luck kicking in. In the end everything worked out, but the crew could have gone without that last adrenaline filled moment.

The next several months were hectic, but surprisingly, their captain's Kirk Luck had gone dormant for a while, and his bad luck was the only thing at work. After those first several months though, his Kirk Luck began to wake up again. It started with natural and social problems on various planets.

Earthquakes, tsunamis, eruptions, and anything else imaginable began to follow them wherever they went. They were always able to escape, but on occasion several of the crew almost lost several body parts. The crew of the _Enterprise_ also seemed to always arrive just in time for a civil war to break out, or for a group of radicals to start a revolution. Those were easier to escape than the natural disasters, but still no walk in the park. Needless to say, the trend was noticed.

Things came to a head when Spock was sent down into an erupting volcano to save a still-developing people. There had been signs that the volcano was active, but until they arrived, there had been no sign of an eruption about to occur. (Sometimes the crew hated Kirk Luck. They sometimes hated it a lot.)

Of course Sulu's ship broke down above the volcano, and of course, Spock's safety cord snapped. Of course the only solution was to break the biggest rule of all and be seen by the locals. The captain's Kirk Luck seemed to have fully woken up again after several months of sleeping.

Kirk was first kicked out of Starfleet, then was accepted back as Pike's first officer. For a little while, the crew thought his streak of Kirk Luck had been broken. It turned out, Kirk got back into Starfleet just in time to be sent on a chase after a madman after Pike died. Yet again he had lost someone close to him.

Then, in an area that was _supposed_ to be abandoned, he had encountered not one, but _three_ Klingon vessels. It seemed only fitting with his Kirk Luck active again that the madman they were chasing turned out to be a superhuman with a vendetta against humanity and Starfleet. It seemed like Fate herself was laughing at him when it turned out Admiral Marcus was also an enemy to survive and deal with.

The crew decided that the universe was really out to get Kirk when the core of the _Enterprise_ was knocked out of alignment so far that it could only be fixed manually, and it was just like their captain to decide that he was the man who had to fix it. The crew was alerted to his death (which was still a sore subject and could result in bodily harm if the topic was pressed too hard by strangers), and they figured that their captain's Kirk Luck had finally killed him.

However, apparently Kirk Luck stops being active once the Kirk in question has died. Mere hours after Kirk's death, Doctor McCoy's tribble experiment resulted in a chance to bring their captain back from the dead. It worked, and once the captain had woken up again with no further problems, the crew agreed that his Kirk Luck was gone – hopefully for good.

The crew knew exactly how unlucky their captain had been, and they knew exactly how much he had sacrificed to make sure that they hadn't paid the price for the bad luck that seemed attached to him like his shadow. But perhaps the special brand of luck that seemed to follow Kirks to their grave had been laid to rest in their Kirk, and perhaps his luck could finally change for the better.


	9. Luck: Part Two

If you asked Kirk what kind of luck he had, he would say he was the luckiest person who had ever lived. Now, perhaps he didn't always win at cards, and the couple of times he bought a lottery ticket he hadn't won, but that wasn't the kind of luck that he meant. He meant that he was lucky whenever something big and important happened.

It went without saying that he had no idea where his luck had come from. It certainly wasn't inherited from his father, and he didn't think that it came from his mother either. But that didn't mean that he didn't believe he had it – just look at the day he was born after all. Yes, he had lost his father, but he had _survived_ Nero's initial attack unlike others who had been on the ship. Then the radiation he had been exposed to that should have killed him at his young age had only given him allergies. He could live with that because he was _alive_.

He knew that he was lucky to still have his mother, despite her distant nature, because he very easily could have been orphaned as a baby. And yeah, Frank sucked, but at least he was living at home instead of in the foster system or with a relative he'd never met before who lived on another planet. (Of course, then came the whole Tarsus thing where he _did_ end up living with a relative he'd never met before on another planet where a massacre took place only months after his arrival, but again, he was one of very few who _survived_. Damn right he considered himself lucky for surviving _that_ nightmare.)

Kirk knew for sure that he was lucky when he just so happened to go to the bar that Captain Pike had decided to visit. Over the years, he had ended up in a spiral of monotony, and in one meeting, Pike had changed his life forever. The man had somehow convinced the Admirals to overlook Kirk's arrest record, and soon Kirk was being intellectually challenged in a way he never had before. He loved every second of it.

Of course, the biggest challenge he faced was the Kobayashi Maru. He had heard its reputation before taking it, but had grown cocky what with how easy his other classes had seemed up until that point. He failed once after not studying for it, and studied for days the second time only to fail again. By this point, he knew there had to be some sort of solution that he was missing, and he was determined to find it. In a stroke of luck, during his research, he discovered that the creator was a Vulcan (or at least half, and raised as a full Vulcan), and from there on out it was easy to solve.

After that came the biggest and most consistent streak of luck he'd ever had in his life. Apparently a madman from an alternate reality had decided to attack the Federation, and despite being on probation, Kirk had not only managed to get on board, but also figure out what was going on in time to save the _Enterprise_ from the fate of her sister ships.

The madman was named Nero, and Kirk was one of the ones who had been sent down to dismantle his drill. Olsen didn't make it, but Kirk somehow managed to land almost perfectly on the platform that was relatively small compared to the distance they had covered. Somehow, despite losing the charges, the guns the workers had were able to stop the drill from working. Kirk just felt lucky that his crazy idea with the guns worked; he wasn't sure what he would have done if it hadn't.

After that came his time on Delta Vega. That was probably the luckiest part of the thing. After all, he survived being chased by not one, but _two_ huge creatures that wanted to eat him whole. He also met Future Spock who saved him from being eaten and who gave him information on how to beat Nero, as well as Scotty and Keenser who were able to get him back to the ship and help him outmaneuver the crazy Romulan.

Once he returned to the ship, he not only survived being attacked by an angry Vulcan and several rather evil Romulans, but also a Red Matter explosion-induced black hole. He had no idea how they had managed that one, but he felt that his good luck probably had something to do with that. It seemed to be a pattern that was forming: his life was in danger, his good luck kicked in to save him.

The pattern was further proven as time after time the _Enterprise_ and her crew evaded all kinds of civil conflict and natural disasters. Kirk knew that space travel was dangerous, but he'd had no idea just how much chaos was also part of the whole experience. He was just grateful he had his luck on his side to keep them all from dying.

He had gotten scared for his crew before, despite his luck. After all, it was foolish to count on it getting him out of every sticky situation, and there was no guarantee it would protect the rest of his crew as well. However, nothing had prepared him for the terror that filled him when they almost lost Spock to the volcano on Nibiru.

For a moment he was worried his luck had finally run out, but then they were able to get to the half-Vulcan just in time to save his life, and Kirk's faith in his luck was restored. So what if he lost his position as captain? Yeah it hurt, but his friend was _alive_ and that was worth far more than any job ever would be. Apparently his luck decided that Spock's life wasn't enough of a reward for him, because he got to remain on the _Enterprise,_ his home, as Pike's second in command. He felt like the luckiest man alive in that moment.

His luck then immediately kicked into gear when Khan attacked, and he was able to survive the initial assault, despite being the closest one to the window when the man fired his weapons at the room. During the subsequent chase after Khan, Kirk survived an encounter with not one, but _three_ Klingon patrols. He doubted that many others would have survived even one, and once again had whatever universal force it was that gave him his luck to thank for his survival.

He was sure that Fate herself was on his side when Admiral Marcus's daughter turned out to be on board his ship while Scotty was on the Admiral's own – the two things he was certain had saved his home from being destroyed instantly. He owed those two not only his life, but the lives of every living person aboard his ship, and he wouldn't forget that debt anytime soon.

It turned out that the core had been knocked out of position in the scuffle, and the _Enterprise_ was going to be incinerated if it wasn't fixed. After hearing the analysis from Scotty, Kirk felt that luck was the only thing that had kept the core from breaking beyond repair, instead only being out of place. Not willing to risk the life of anyone else, Kirk made the biggest leap of faith on his luck he ever had, and entered the core's chamber.

As he fixed the core, he reflected on the lucky streak he'd had since birth. If he was going to be putting his life in its hands over and over again, he couldn't simply call it his luck. That was too ordinary to describe the phenomenon and statistical improbabilities that had saved him over and over again. Perhaps he would name it his 'Kirk Luck'. After all, it seemed to only apply to him.

The existence of said Kirk Luck was proven and set in stone for him after he survived dying. How many other people had been able to come back to life after hours of being dead? Kirk Luck existed, and he would never again doubt that as he had when he lay dying and full of radiation after saving his family. In that moment, he had wondered if all his luck had finally run out after all. But, it appeared that his luck was going to stick around, and good thing too, what with the lives they all led. Now if he could just convince his crew that it existed, maybe things would go a little more smoothly for everyone.

* * *

(Several months later, the ship was nearly hit by an asteroid that was made out of a material the scanners couldn't pick up on. Had they been even inches from where they were, they would have been hit, and weren't they lucky they hadn't been? Kirk mentioned that it looked like his Kirk Luck was kicking in again, and he really didn't understand why the rest of the Bridge suddenly looked so terrified at that. After all, wasn't his Kirk Luck a good thing?)


	10. Fearless

At first look, Captain James T. Kirk of the _USS Enterprise_ was fearless. One glance at the daredevil spark in his eyes and the carefree smile on his face was usually enough to convince most people that the man wasn't afraid of anything, and that nothing the universe threw at him could scare him.

To some degree, it was true.

Kirk wasn't afraid of many of the things normal people were afraid of. He had blatantly told anyone who asked that he wasn't afraid of death whatsoever. Anyone who served with him for very long was able to see that he was good at keeping his head in normally terrifying situations. After his many close-calls, he always seemed to bounce back with little to no problems despite the harrowing experience. In all appearances, the young captain really was fearless.

However, to those who knew him better, they could tell that he had just as much fear in him as anyone else. The captain's fear was simply more pinpointed to several things instead of the wide range of fears most people had. The lack of variety also meant that he feared those things much more deeply, to the point where they were almost phobias, in a sense. He didn't fear public speaking, spiders, heights, or anything that was fairly common like those things. What he feared couldn't even be touched, much less seen. Because of this, it had taken awhile for the crew to notice what he feared, but they figured it out eventually.

The captain feared being alone. Despite the fact that he was very independent and naturally inclined to be more of a loner, he could always be found in a crowd – even if it was a crowd of strangers. Sometimes he would flat out ignore the crowd, simply immersing himself in their presence as he did his own thing. Once after consuming numerous drinks he had even admitted that he sometimes he picked up women just so that he wouldn't be alone at night.

Another fear of the captain's was failing. This fear was a little harder for the crew to figure out, but enough subtle moments eventually gave them enough information to notice. There was the Kobayashi Maru back at the Academy, which Kirk had taken three times despite nearly everyone giving up after the first time taking the test. The crew knew from various conversations that Kirk had become obsessed with the program, and that he would have refused to give up until he won. Luckily for everyone who knew him, he had passed the test the third time around.

Connected to his fear of failure was his fear of disappointing those he cared about. When he was in charge of the ship, he made it a point to know every detail about the crew and their jobs. He was attempting to understand everything he could so that he was less likely to disappoint them through his ignorance. Sometimes it seemed like Kirk knew more about them than they themselves did, so eager was he not to fail.

The fear that was probably the most prominent was his fear of losing something he considered his. From the way he treated his possessions, it was clear that once he considered something his he was very, very unlikely to let it go without a hassle. The things that mattered most to him were well protected and well taken care of even as they were cherished. He considered the things that mattered to him priceless, and would barely even consider parting with them unless something that mattered even more to him was threatened or offered.

In a strange way, the crew had somehow become his as well. That's not to say that they were considered or treated like objects, but that they were treated as _his_. Honestly, they didn't really mind. Like with everything else Kirk considered his own, he went out of his way to protect them and make sure that they were happy. It was evident to anyone who cared to look that they mattered to him a lot. From the looks he gave potential threats, it was also evident what would happen if any of them were harmed.

From his reactions with Nero and Khan to his responses on away missions turned sour, it was clear that he would give anything to make sure that they weren't taken from him, even if it meant sacrificing his life to make sure of that. Needless to say, that way of thinking was rather frustrating to deal with when many of them felt the same way.

They knew that he feared losing them, but the sentiment went both ways. The captain was as reckless as he was caring – especially when trying to protect his own. It was entirely possible that they would one day hear the announcement of their captain's death once again, and that the next time that happened he wouldn't come back.

But they all knew that when it came down to it, not a single one of them would be able to stop the captain from being reckless and relying on minuscule odds to get him through conflicts. So, they did what they could to ease his fears while crossing their fingers that the next mission wouldn't be his last. If it meant carrying a survival kit every time they left the ship, so be it. If that meant always carrying a backup communicator, then that's what they would do. If it meant every crew member would be trained in self-defense and required to carry a small knife in their shoe, then that's what would happen.

The captain may look fearless, and he may even act fearless, but he was just as mortal as everyone else, and everything mortal fears something. Kirk's fears might be intangible, but that didn't make them any less real. It simply meant that they would have to work a little harder to lay them to rest. That didn't matter to the crew though. They're captain was worth the extra effort, and he would do the same for them in a heartbeat.

And if the captain had no idea what they were doing, well, that was just a bonus now wasn't it?


	11. Enterprise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Sorry it took so long to update. My muse went into an early hibernation around late August, so I've been having trouble writing anything at all since then. However, I made sure to make this chapter longer as an apology, so I hope it will suffice. I do have ideas for future chapters already, although since my muse is hibernating, I would like to open this story up to all of you as well. I can't guarantee I will use your ideas (however if I do I will be sure to mention you) but hopefully they can make my muse wake up again if nothing else. Thanks, and enjoy!

Everyone knew that the captain would sometimes act like his ship was alive; it was just one of his quirks that the crew all knew about and agreed not to talk about. Nobody really remembered when they first noticed his strange habit of talking to her, just that Scotty was the one who had found out first, to nobody's surprise.

Scotty had paused one day before leaving the Engine Room for the night. He had thought he'd seen a glimpse of gold tucked behind one of the machines on the other end of the room. Curious, he had decided to investigate, and had walked around the large metal structure only to see the captain sitting comfortably against the wall. He had appeared to be talking, and the rumble of the engines had almost covered his words, but Scotty could hear him just well enough to understand what he was saying.

"– Uhura told them that if she ever caught them mishandling the communication equipment like that again she would personally see to it that they would be sent back to the Academy as a first year taking remedial classes." Kirk had laughed a little at the memory.

At the time, Scotty had been confused as to who the captain had been talking to, until he caught sight of the way Kirk had been looking at all of the engines surrounding him. He had been talking to the _Enterprise_. Scotty remembered smiling at the realization that the captain was much more like himself than he had originally thought, the Scotsman himself being guilty of the same thing once or twice when working on her engines.

"I'd better get going, or else I'll be missed." Kirk had stood up and brushed himself off. "I'll see you tomorrow, m'lady." Scotty had seen the other man catch sight of him and freeze, before grinning brightly as if nothing had happened and continuing on his way. After that, it was just common knowledge.

The crew all thought it was a little strange, but then again, when was anything actually normal when it came to their captain? Nobody really paid it much attention to that particular quirk until the _Enterprise_ was overrun by space pirates of all things. The crew had been planetside on shore leave when it had happened, and before they knew it, the _Enterprise_ was exiting the atmosphere and entering into orbit around the planet without them.

The captain had managed to get his command crew back on board by borrowing a shuttle from the planet's tiny branch of Starfleet headquarters. He had then managed to sneak them back on board using several questionable methods, but they were in the outer shell of the ship, within its docking bay. They were protected from space, but they couldn't get to the hallways, much less the Bridge, leading to their current situation.

Kirk was setting the explosive up quickly, his fingers flying over multiple wires as he attached small pads to the door, making minuscule adjustments the entire time. The rest of the command crew was watching anxiously from the sidelines. Several of them were seriously considering getting back in the shuttle and waiting out the rest of the mission back on the planet.

"Please tell me I'm not the only one a little concerned about the kid setting off an _explosive_ on board a spaceship that is currently _in space_." McCoy addressed the crew, but said it loudly enough that Kirk could hear him. Kirk flicked his eyes up from his hands for a moment, a devilish smile on his face.

"No worries, Bones; if there's one thing I know how to make it's explosions. This one is going to be small and isolated, and we'll barely feel the heat. I could do this in my sleep." He paused for a moment. "Actually, I think I did once. I'm pretty sure I was the one responsible for blowing a hole in the Richardson family's barn. Never did like them much." Bones stared at his friend for a moment before shaking his head incredulously.

"I swear I befriended a pyro." he muttered in dismay, then glared at Chekov and Uhura when he heard their smothered laughter. Sighing, he turned his attention back to Kirk and narrowed his eyes. "That's another thing. How do you even _know_ this stuff? And don't think I didn't see how easily you masked our signal coming up here, or how quickly you hacked the dock to let us in."

"It's a long story." Kirk said, rocking back on his heels as he checked his device one last time.

"I'll bet." Bones grumbled. "You gonna tell it to us?" Kirk flashed him a grin.

"Maybe one day," he said, straightening fully, "but not right now. At the moment, we have a ship to steal back." At the reminder of what they were about to do, the command crew tensed. Spock took a half-step forward.

"Captain, I feel it is imperative that I inform you that creating a hole in this location will trigger a ship-wide alarm. Those on the Bridge will know immediately that we are on board, and will be able to locate us in approximately ten point nine seconds, assuming they are at all competent." Kirk gave a short laugh at his First Officer's almost sarcastic addition to his sentence.

"I know what will happen, Spock." Kirk said, his tone turning serious as he returned to the matter at hand. "But this is our only option. Besides, I have a plan."

"You have a plan? What plan?" Uhura immediately asked, looking at him slightly accusingly. "Why didn't we know about this?" Kirk looked rather troubled at that, and turned away from her to rest his hand on the wall a little ways away from his explosive.

"I was hoping I would come up with an alternative." he told her before going silent for a moment. When he next spoke, it was softer, and clearly to his ship. "Hey there m'lady. I'm sorry I have to do this to you, but I promise that if I had any other choice I would take it. This is going to hurt, but I need you to try and stay quiet for me, okay? I need you to keep the alarms silent for us so that we can take you back."

The rest of the crew watched in bemused silence as he finished speaking. Once he was quiet again, Kirk rested his forehead against the door for a moment. They suddenly felt like they were intruding on something private – which seemed a little ridiculous because he was talking to a machine. Nonetheless, the captain was acting like he was talking to a close friend, maybe even a family member, and that alone threw the crew a little off balance. It was one thing to know about a quirk their captain had, and another thing entirely to actually witness it in person. Even Spock made no comment about how _talking_ to the ship to get it to stay silent was a pointless endeavor.

Kirk then backed away from the wall and motioned for the others to follow his lead. The gentleness he had been using had disappeared, replaced instead with a fiery determination. Once they were all a safe distance away, he hesitated only a moment before setting off his explosive with a minuscule flinch. There was a brief _boom_ , a wave of heat, and then –

Silence.

There wasn't a single sound coming from the ship's alarms, and Kirk looked some combination of pleased, relieved, and guilty. The others just stared at him in shock. How in the world had he done that? The whole reason they had been forced to blow a hole in their ship was because the pirates had set up a jamming signal everywhere but the Bridge, making all of their combined hacking skills useless.

"That's my girl." Kirk said fondly as he walked over to the hole (perfectly formed and without jagged edges, the crew noticed) and patted the wall. He peered through the opening and motioned that the coast was clear. He then slipped through, and stood watch as the others followed him into the ship's interior. Once they realized that nobody had heard their explosion, the entire group began moving down the hallway, following the captain.

"Where are we going?" Sulu asked from his place towards the back of their little pack of people. Kirk glanced at him as he turned the corner, then responded.

"The way I see it, even if they have closed off everything else, they will still need the lift to move around the ship. That means that it will still be working." Sensing some of their doubts, the captain tacked on an ending to the rest of his statement. "Besides, the ship can take care of it if the pirates have the lift shut down."

Before anyone could say anything about that last statement, Kirk picked up his pace to a jog, and the others had no choice but to follow. The captain's last comment, though, had reminded them of the scene that took place just before they blew a hole in their ship. They also suddenly remembered the rumors circulating around the ship that Kirk talked to the _Enterprise_ every day, like one would a friend. They studied their captain's back suspiciously. Just what had he been up to all this time?

"We're here. Soon enough we'll see if the lift works or not." The crew approached the doors hopefully, and they slid open when they were several feet in front of them. There was a collective sigh of relief from everyone there. "Good. Okay, once we're in the lift, everyone set their phasers to stun. We don't want to kill these people, just get our ship back. After that, follow my lead."

The doors slid shut behind them, and there was silence apart from the _whoosh_ of the machine and the sound of the phasers turning on. Everyone was on edge, unsure of exactly was waiting for them when the doors finally opened. The lift slowed, then stopped. Everyone tensed, and then the doors opened.

There were seven people of various species on the Bridge, and they were all staring at the crew who had just come up the lift in astonishment. Kirk didn't wait, and exploded out of the compartment, phaser brandished in front of him. Seconds later, the crew followed his lead, not firing shots but each taking aim at one of the seven. The leader of the pirates, a male with dark blue skin and black hair, was on the other end of Kirk's phaser.

"Ah, Tiberius. It's good to see you again." He said, his voice quiet and almost oily sounding. Uhura resisted the urge to wrinkle her nose in distaste, her ears much more attuned to sound than the others' were. "Then again, perhaps not. We did have our differences the last time we were together."

"Serchivm, it's been a long time." Kirk replied, his tone falsely light. "I never expected to see you again after you got stuck on that planet in the Neutral Zone. And I prefer to go by Kirk now. Captain Kirk, actually, if it's all the same to you." Serchivm dipped his head agreeably.

"Very well, Captain." He said, running a hand along the top of the captain's chair pensively. "Congratulations on your promotion. I must say, the others at ICE were quite disappointed when you dropped out of the program. You were one of our best, and nobody can handle a Klingon like you can. Not to say that they haven't tried." Kirk raised an eyebrow that somehow conveyed both interest and disinterest at once.

"How many pieces did they come back in?" he asked, his tension not relaxing for a moment, despite his conversational manner. At this, Serchivm's expression gained a hint of true emotion, and Kirk looked slightly thrown at the grief the other man was showing.

"They didn't. None of the agents we sent returned at all, and after losing four of them in as many months, ICE decided that it wasn't worth it to keep trading with the Klingons like that." There was a moment of silence, then the pirate schooled his expression again. "But, that isn't why I'm here. As I'm sure you've realized, I am taking your ship. I need her to seal a deal with the Xelvans over in Sector Nine." Kirk suddenly looked panicked at that news. The reason was apparent as soon as he spoke.

"You can't do that, they'll tear her apart and use her as – as _scrap metal_! They'll rip her to pieces and wrench out her _heart_!" Kirk looked like he was struggling to maintain his control. The rest of his crew was understandably outraged at the notion, but not one of them was as distressed at the news as their captain was. Even the pirates were slightly taken aback at Kirk's strong reaction.

"Ships can be rebuilt. Unless . . ." Serchivm said flippantly before giving the other man a sharp and searching look. His white eyes suddenly widened in shock, the black surrounding his iris becoming more prominent. "No. You didn't. You actually _found it_? After all this time? How did you manage to get it?" Kirk shifted uncomfortably, his expression still showing lingering signs of panic, despite his evident wariness and distrust.

"I didn't steal it, if that's what you're thinking. They gave it to me, and then I gave it to her." He smirked slightly, his eyes cold. "Turns out you just have to be a decent person to get people to like you. You should try it sometime, you'll be amazed at the change." The pirate rolled his eyes even as he appraised the _Enterprise_ anew.

"I wouldn't have thought you'd lower yourself to schoolyard insults, Kirk. Although, I must admit, this makes the _Enterprise_ all the more valuable to me." He eyed the phasers in their hands, and gave a smile that was more threat than humor. "I suggest you lower those. One push of a button from me or one of my men will fire all possible weapons on the planet below. If it were any other planet, that wouldn't mean much, but this is Lelth."

"The atmosphere." Kirk realized aloud, and the pirate nodded in confirmation. "It would catch fire with the type of energy the ship's weapons use." The rest of the crew exchanged a horrified glance, and the rest of the pirates smirked at their reactions, knowing that they had the upper hand in the situation.

"Exactly. So," Serchivm said, stepping forward, " as you can see you have two choices. Hand over your weapons, or we _will_ hit the button, and we would rather avoid that mess if we can help it. We're pirates, not murderers, though the two aren't mutually exclusive." Kirk hesitated for just a moment, before a glance out the window at the planet seemed to make up his mind. He lowered his phaser and motioned at the others to follow his example as he handed it to Serchivm.

"Do as he says." Kirk said quietly. The crew reluctantly handed their phasers over to the pirates. They glanced at the captain figure out what they were going to do next. His expression would have seemed passive to an outsider, but they could tell that he was thinking intently about something.

"You made the right choice, Tiberius." Serchivm said, smiling slightly. As he spoke, Kirk rested a hand on one of the bars in an action so casual it didn't raise any suspicions from the pirates. However, his crew knew that he never did anything without a reason – especially in a stressful situation. Taking their subtle clue for what it was, each of them found a way to hold onto something nearby and waited expectantly.

"I told you before, it's Captain Kirk." The captain said, his eyes hard. "And this ship will never be yours. _Enterprise_ , go to Warp Seven." Had the crew not been holding on to a part of the ship, they would have been knocked off their feet at the sudden jolt the ship gave, given that it had taken off without its stabilizers engaged. As it was, they stumbled and the pirates went flying. The view out of the main window showed that the stars were streaking past.

" _Enterprise_ , exit warp." There was another jolt as all motion stopped, and the crew cautiously stood. Kirk was standing tall, facing the direction where Serchivm lay groaning on the ground. He released the bar he was holding onto and stalked over to him. He then ripped several strips of his golden overshirt off and pulled the other man's arms behind his back to restrain him, tying his hands and feet up with the lengths of fabric.

The rest of the Bridge crew followed his lead with the rest of the pirates, and once they were tied up, watched as Kirk made his way back to the center of the room and stopped. He took several calming breaths, then looked up at the ceiling before speaking.

"You okay, m'lady?" Before any of his friends could ask him what he was doing, or ask just what had happened a moment ago, an electronic tone sounded and three of the screens nearby lit up. Words then showed up on each screen, and they were large enough that they could be read from a distance. _I. Am. Fine._ Kirk raised his eyebrows in mild surprise.

"Well, that's new." he muttered quietly.

The crew stared at the screens in a stunned silence for a moment before McCoy looked over at Kirk with an expression that clearly demanded an explanation. Kirk turned slightly pink, and cleared his throat awkwardly. However, he couldn't avoid his friend's unasked question, and he had to admit that his crew deserved an explanation about what had just happened.

"Um." At his eloquent response, Uhura and McCoy rolled their eyes, Spock raised his eyebrows, and Sulu and Chekov laughed. Scotty seemed to be more interested in the ship than his captain's explanation. "So, that happened."

"Yeah, that happened." McCoy said sarcastically, giving him a deadpan look. "Except we don't know what 'that' was! Jim, why is the ship doing what you say, and _why_ in tarnation is it _talking back_?" Kirk thought distantly that his friend was looking just a little unhinged, and several of the others clearly felt the same, as he caught several of them shuffling slowly away from the doctor. He cleared his throat.

"Right. Well, that's a bit of a long story, and it's going to need some background first." he began, glancing between his crewmates to see their reactions. Seeing that they all looked agreeable to that, if not slightly impatient, he continued. "So the story really starts when I was fifteen. I had been off-planet for a while and had just returned. I ended up in Los Angeles and managed to catch the eye of an agent from ICE – that's the Intergalactic Cooperative Economy, in case you hadn't heard of them. They pretty much trade with whoever will deal with them, Federation planet or not. Anyway, he ended up offering me a job." Uhura looked surprised at that.

"They offered you a job at fifteen? That's illegal! The legal working age on-planet is sixteen for humans, and the age to work off-planet without guardian approval is nineteen, and even then you'd have to be of legal working age on Earth. Why would they hire someone who could get them into legal trouble?" Kirk gave a wry smile at that.

"I asked them the same thing. Apparently they decided that I was worth the risk." He continued with his story before they could ask anymore questions. "So anyway, I ended up working for them for several years, and it was discovered that the Klingons and I could get along well. Really well, actually. They became my main clients as an agent, and I spent most of my time going to and from their home planet."

"Why did zhe Klingons like you so much?" Chekov asked curiously. Kirk spared him a quick grin, and they could see a familiar gleam in his eye that said he was about to tease them a little bit.

"Probably for the same reasons humans normally don't: I'm stubborn, argumentative, and supposedly reckless, though we'll have to agree to disagree on that last one." There were several eyerolls from his audience, though the ones who did also had small smiles on their faces. "Anyway, towards the end of my time working with ICE, I was on my way to the Klingons when my ship picked up some unexpected chatter over the airwaves. Turns out, there's a tiny planet somewhere in the Neutral Zone with its own civilization."

Here Kirk paused, gathering his thoughts. The others waited patiently, even though they wanted answers. They knew he would tell them in his own time, and that pushing him when he was thinking only made everything take longer. Several of the pirates had woken up again with slight groans, and were listening along with the crew. Serchivm was one of them.

"They were incredible people. They had encountered the same problems with technology and industrialization that all Federation planets have had at some point or another: environmental degradation. However, instead of solving the problem the way any of us would have expected, they took a route so far removed from anything we've ever known that it wasn't even funny." Kirk looked up at them seriously, and seemed to hesitate.

"What did they do, Jim?" McCoy asked quietly, prompting his friend to continue. Kirk sized them up briefly, his gaze so intense that each of them felt like he was staring past their skin and bones into their very souls. After a moment, he continued.

"What I am about to tell you is information you must guard with your life. If this gets out, it could be disastrous. I promised them I would keep their secret safe, and I must demand the same from all of you." The crew exchanged a perplexed look, but readily swore their silence. Kirk seemed to judge their acceptance of his terms as genuine, because what he next said revealed the need for such secrecy. "When faced with the issue of too much technology, they didn't use less of it or find cleaner methods. Instead, they created life."

Utter silence met his words as the crew stared at him in shock. Nobody really knew how to respond to that, and even Kirk seemed a little awed by the memory. Had they been able to say anything, they certainly would have. After a moment, Kirk seemed to find his words again.

"They gave their technology a consciousness of its own, and somehow found a way to keep it from needing any additional energy input at all." He gave an amazed laugh, clearly lost in his memories. "I still have no idea how, but they created machines that essentially ran on _thoughts_. You can see how this could be a huge problem should the technology end up in the wrong hands, so when my partner and I arrived on the planet, they were willing to guard the secret with their lives."

"Understandable." Uhura muttered, prompting nods of agreement from several of the others. They were still in slight shock. Had the news come from anyone but Kirk, they would have written off the claim as a lie. A lot of things could be said about their captain, but they all knew that he would not lie to them about something as important as this. Kirk gave Uhura a grin and raised his eyebrows in agreement.

"Right? Anyway, my partner and I began visiting the planet on our regular trips between Federation Space and the Klingon Empire. Over time, we became friends with the planet's leaders, and things were going well. However, my partner had failed to mention that he had gone behind my back and told ICE about the living machines we had encountered. He had enough sense to keep the planet's location a secret like he had promised, but he had been tasked to get ahold of the method for creating living machines."

"The partner you have repeatedly mentioned is the criminal you have just apprehended, is it not, Captain?" Spock's words were coolly curious, however those who knew him could tell he was disquieted by what he had just heard. Kirk looked at his First Officer in mild surprise before grinning broadly.

"Yes, actually. Well done, Spock. I hadn't expected anyone to put that together. Serchivm was my partner when we discovered the planet and its contents, and he was the one to tell ICE about the living machines." The captain sent a glare in the pirate's direction, and the other man scowled at him from his place on the floor.

"Sir, if they guarded the secret to their machines, how did you end up getting it?" Kirk turned to look at Sulu, and he seemed slightly rattled by that question. Seeing the look on his captain's face, Sulu hurriedly explained. "Your story seemed to be headed in that direction, and well, the _Enterprise_ has been showing signs of – er – life all day, and you don't seem to be very surprised by that."

"Right." Kirk blinked and looked slightly more placated, though he still seemed a little thrown. "I need to remember all of you are geniuses, unlike those idiots back at ICE. Well, I ended up finding out what Serchivm had done, and blew up at him in public, yelling about how he had betrayed their trust and whatnot. Somehow the Supreme Council on the planet heard about our confrontation, decided I was trustworthy for some reason because of that, and gave me a vial of their . . . stuff to use myself." His eyes drifted back over the ship's interior, looking incredibly fond for a moment.

"I almost used the stuff on my motorcycle back on Earth, but something told me to wait. Once I became captain of the _Enterprise_ , it was pretty clear this was what I was waiting for. I used the vial of _whatever_ that the people gave me on her, and the rest is history."

There was silence on the Bridge as the crew absorbed the news that, yes, their ship was in fact alive. Scotty looked positively delighted, while the others looked intrigued or simply stunned. Kirk himself was looking at the roof of his ship fondly.

"So you're saying zhat we are currently inside a living being? How is zhat possible, and why didn't we know about it sooner?" The captain glanced at Chekov, whose brow is furrowed in concentration, clearly trying to understand.

"Well, that's not entirely correct." Kirk explained, moving to lean against one of the railings, paying no mind to the criminals on the floor, apart from checking occasionally that they weren't getting loose. "There is only so much consciousness that can be stored in a receptacle the size that the vial was. Think about an ant, for example. They don't have nearly the awareness that a dog does, or even a frog. There was enough life in the _whatever_ that I put into the ship to give it a consciousness, but not enough to make her fully alive as far as I'm aware.

"Because of that, her awareness is usually centered around the engines, where the greatest center of energy is – the engines are essentially the ship's heart. This is one of the only times she has left the engine room entirely, which is the reason I usually talk to her down there. Even then, she's never formed words before now; she usually can only convey a sensation or emotion."

"What does this mean for them?" Uhura asked, gesturing to the pirates on the floor. "Actually, what does this mean for us? Living machines aren't exactly common, and they did just try to steal ours. Aren't you worried they'll tell someone?" Kirk's gaze drifted to the group of tied up criminals, the disdain in his voice made clear.

"Well, first off, they are going to be arrested by the Federation Police, as well as by Starfleet. They are criminals who just tried to steal a Federation ship belonging to Starfleet; those two will just have to deal with sharing jurisdiction. As for them telling people, well, who exactly would believe them about there being such a thing as _living machines_?"

The crew had to acknowledge that most people would probably think that the pirates had a few screws loose or that they were making things up if they talked about a conscious spaceship – especially without any proof to back it up. The pirates seemed to realize that as well, and several looked horrified, while others looked merely disappointed. Serchivm was the only one who felt differently, if the murderous glare he was giving them was any sign. Kirk locked his gaze with the other male's.

"Besides," he continued, his voice suddenly more dangerous than the crew had ever heard, sending small shivers down their spines, "they know that if they did attempt to lead people to the planet, not only would I stop them, but I would make them disappear. Slowly, painfully, quietly disappear forever, with no sign that they ever existed in the first place."

There was a small smile on Kirk's face as he continued his stare-off with Serchivm, and his face was deceptively peaceful. His eyes, however, showed that he meant every word he said, with the kind of conviction a person only had when they were certain that they could fulfill whatever promise they were making. Serchivm lowered his eyes, and a muscle in his jaw jumped even as the air sacks in his neck dipped inward suddenly as he swallowed.

"Now," Kirk exclaimed brightly, his solemn mood suddenly gone, "let's make some calls so that we can get back to Lelth. I don't trust the crew alone down there, and by the stars, do we deserve some shore leave. Why is it that just when things settle down, people like you come along to disturb the peace?" His question was directed at the criminals, who seemed a little uncertain as to whether or not he was actually expecting an answer.

"You'd get bored if they didn't, sir." Sulu said with a smirk as he slid into his chair, Chekov slipping into his station beside him. Kirk considered that for a moment, before nodding in agreement.

"You're probably right. Uhura?" He turned his attention to his Communications officer, who had made her way to her station without even glancing at the criminals she'd had to walk through to get there.

"Ready when you are, captain. Who should I hail first?" Kirk wasn't fooled by the innocent look on her face in the slightest. She was out for blood behind her professional facade. He considered his options for a moment before he sent her a grin.

"Why don't we call Admiral Kormack first? I hear the _Enterprise_ was his pet project, and he was the one who commissioned her in the first place. He should have some valuable input as to what should happen with the pirates who stupidly thought they could take her from a crew of literal geniuses."

"Yes sir." Uhura replied, a grin of delight forming on her face as she caught the nervous expressions on the faces of the criminals on the floor nearby. Oh yes, they were going to get put away for a long, _long_ time. Especially if she and Kormack had anything to say about it, and that wasn't even considering what would happen when Kirk got involved. As she turned back to her console, she smirked. She loved Starfleet, but most of all she loved being a part of the crew on the _Enterprise_. It was time to get some revenge for her ship.

 


	12. Radiation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I wasn't anticipating this to take nearly as long as it did. For some reason, though, this chapter was like typing through molasses and I've been working at it for months. Anyway, it's finally here now, so I hope you guys like it!

Radiation

 

“ - and _then_ we escaped the mountain and beamed back to the ship!” Kirk finished triumphantly, beaming at the elderly Vulcan on the screen. Though Old Spock's facial expression revealed nothing, he had a decidedly amused air about him. The half-Vulcan's eyes flicked towards the rest of the Bridge, and out of curiosity, Kirk followed his gaze.

The Bridge crew was watching their interaction with a fond amusement, and Kirk was rather embarrassed to realize that he'd been acting like a little kid going on and on about a trip to the zoo. Or something like that. Kirk wouldn't really know, having never been to a zoo. Hmm, maybe he should visit one next time there was a shore leave . . .

“That sounds like a memorable experience.” Old Spock's response drew Kirk's attention back to the screen and away from his new train of thought. “It appears that you have had this encounter earlier than your counterpart, and seem to have come across multiple differences as well.” Kirk unconsciously leaned forward in interest.

“Really? Huh. I suppose I probably just bored you for the past several minutes, seeing as you have already lived through it. Sorry about that.” He gave a sheepish grin, and glanced up at the elderly Vulcan. Old Spock shook his head at the statement.

“There is no need to apologize, old friend. Your adventures with your crew show multiple differences to your counterpart's with his. Some of that is due to the timeline being altered, causing events to happen in a different order, to some degree, however the differences between yourself and my reality's James Kirk do play a significant part as well.” Kirk considered him for a moment. A thought visibly occurred to him, and there was a momentary hesitation before he began speaking.

“I don't know if the answer to this will break reality or anything,” he began slowly, “or if you're even okay with answering this, but what is the biggest change that you've seen in me? When compared to your version of myself, I mean.” The rest of the Bridge's attention was caught by Kirk's question, and they waited expectantly for an answer. Old Spock considered the captain for a long moment before responding.

“One thing that I have become aware of is that in this reality, you have been through much more hardship than the James Kirk of my own. However, it appears that from this hardship, you have grown stronger and more capable than he managed to in his lifetime. Therefore the logical conclusion to take is that you will manage to go further and achieve more than your counterpart was able to.”

Kirk had ducked his head, and the crew around him could see a light dusting of pink across his cheekbones. He looked almost shy at the assessment of himself. The elderly half-Vulcan on the screen tilted his head slightly, studying the man before him.

“Although the timeline has changed, that was only to be expected, given the circumstances. It was logical that your personality would be different as well, as it is the past which forms the people we are in the present. I believe, based on your question, you intended to ask not what was the biggest change, but what I find to be the most startling difference, yes?”

Kirk glanced up and blinked, slightly startled that the elderly half-Vulcan had read him so easily. He nodded, and Old Spock took a moment to observe him, seemingly deep in thought. There were several moments of expectant silence before he finally responded, looking pointedly at Kirk.

“Though many things are different here, even if it is only in the smallest of ways, I expected that result upon realizing what had happened. I had expected alternate versions of myself, my family, and my friends to exist as well. However, one thing I had not anticipated to affect me so strongly was turning to meet the gaze of a dear friend and finding eyes that were entirely different. That, I believe, is the most honest response I can give you for the time being.”

Everyone on the Bridge looked at Old Spock in surprise, Sulu and Chekov exchanging a glance as Uhura's eyebrows rose and Spock blinked. Kirk frowned slightly, confusion overtaking his features as he mulled over his friend's words.

“Wait, so out of everything that you've seen in this universe, the thing that is most shocking to you are my _eyes_?” Kirk's tone was incredulous. “I don't know if I should be disturbed or flattered that you find my _eyes_ more shocking than everything that happened with Nero and all the other crazies we've had to deal with since he crossed over.” Old Spock raised an eyebrow, his tone slightly off as he responded.

“It is surprising how much of a difference eyes make when two individuals are otherwise so similar. Over the years I have become very aware of how changeable the appearances of humans are, due to age and personal alterations, and even to some degree how changeable their personalities and behaviors are. However, despite all of that, their eyes remained the same. That is not true in this scenario, and I must admit it made a much stronger impact than I had anticipated.”

Kirk and Old Spock studied each other in silence for a moment, an unreadable expression on the former's face and a patient one on the latter's. They almost seemed to be communicating silently, and the rest of the Bridge waited quietly to see the results of the unintentional stare-off.

“I see,” Kirk finally said, his expression lightening to his usual one as he tilted his head to the side curiously. “I'm guessing that my eyes were a different color where you came from. Let me guess, they were brown? Probably a dark brown?” Old Spock tipped his head forward in acknowledgment, and Kirk grinned broadly at being proven right.

“How did you know zhat, Keptin?” Chekov finally piped up, the first crew member to do so since the conversation between Kirk and the elderly half-Vulcan on screen had begun. Kirk flicked a bright-eyed glance at him, the blue suddenly more prominent than ever in the bright lights of the Bridge.

“Apart from brown being the most common eye color among humans,” he began in response, “I also know because I read my first medical records out of curiosity when I was ten. Apparently I was supposed to have had brown eyes and hair that was a slightly darker blond according to the genetic information that they gathered before I was born. Obviously that isn't what ended up happening.”

“What caused the changes?” Uhura asked, no longer able to hold back her curiosity. “Do you know? Those genetic tests are very, _very_ rarely wrong these days.” Kirk nodded, his look in his eyes both heavy and sparking in intrigued interest.

“Yeah, actually, they were able to figure it out. Do you know what happens when a warp core explodes?” The crew blinked at the question, hesitating just long enough that Kirk answered his own question. “It releases a wave of radiation in addition to the heat and force that accompanies all explosions. Turns out it has a pretty long range, so right when I was born, when I was at my most vulnerable, it hit our ship. It wouldn't have had any effect normally, but our shielding wasn't online yet, given that they were mainly focused on getting me born before anything else could go wrong. The doctors and my mother only had to go through a mild detox because we were at the edge of the radiation, but by the time that was possible for us, it had already slightly changed my DNA. The result is my slightly altered appearance, as well as my ever-growing list of discovered allergies; the radiation completely messed up my body's threat-detection ability.”

“ _That's_ why you're allergic to everything under the sun?” Sulu exclaimed, looking like one of the big questions of humanity had just been answered. “Does Doctor McCoy know about that?”

“Well yeah,” Kirk said, as if it were obvious. “He's my primary physician, about the only doctor I really trust, and I kind of forced myself on him as a roommate during our first year, so he kind of had questions about it early on after witnessing several allergy attacks.”

A sound of a commotion drew their attention suddenly to the screen again. Old Spock was looking off to the side at something off-screen, the Vulcan equivalent of a frown on his face. He was silent for several moments, observing what was happening, before he turned back to the group with a sigh.

“I apologize. I must cut our conversation short as there is a matter that appears to require my attention.” He glanced back at the commotion, which sounded like it was getting louder. “I will endeavor to call you again in the near future, my friend, but for now this is goodbye.”

Old Spock waited until Kirk had said goodbye as well before he disconnected, already standing to go handle whatever the problem was. Kirk looked at the now-blank screen, a small smile playing about his lips as he turned to look at his Spock.

“Hey, Spock, if older you turns out to be anything like Old You, then I think we're going to have a lot of fun when we're all creaky and wrinkled.” Spock blinked at his captain's comment, and the other crew members tried, and failed, to smother their snickers. Brushing off his first officer's lack of verbal response, Kirk turned his attention to the view outside, the wide stretch of darkness curving away from them like the inside of a balloon, interspersed with only pinpricks to let in the light.

“It's been a while since I thought about that - the radiation I mean.” His voice was soft, his mood as changing as ever. “I can't really picture myself the way I would have been, dark eyes and slightly darker hair, fewer allergies if any at all, joining Starfleet because of my dad and not because of a dare . . .”

In the background, Kirk thought he heard Sulu mutter something that sounded like 'of course he joined on a dare', but it was quiet enough that he couldn't be sure. It was quiet for a moment as he stared out into the darkness, lost in thought. With a brief shake of his head, he turned back to the Bridge with a smile.

“Sorry, didn't mean to get lost in thought,” he commented. “I was just thinking about my grandmother. She was always talking about my eyes too, and Old Spock just reminded me of it.”

“You have a grandmother?”

All eyes on the Bridge turned to Uhura at her question. She flushed, realizing how obvious the answer to her question was as Kirk raised his eyebrow in amusement.

“You know what I mean,” she sighed, rolling her eyes. “ _Obviously_ you have a grandmother. I just meant that I didn't realize that you knew her, because you've never mentioned her before.” Kirk tilted his head in response, considering her statement for a moment.

“Huh, I guess you're right. That's weird that it hasn't come up before, she's the one who raised me until I was ten while my mom was off planet on her missions. Once she died, mom came back, got remarried, and her husband watched me and my brother until I went off planet at thirteen.”

Off to one side, Kirk caught sight of Chekov murmuring to Sulu. When he strained his ears, it sounded kind of like he was saying something like 'ze Keptin has a _brother_?'. Further away, a different Bridge member (not one of his main friend group) was muttering 'great there's _two_ of them'. Kirk held back the urge to smirk at their words.

“Anyway,” he continued, regaining their attention and causing the hushed conversations to stop, “back when I was a kid, everyone who knew me knew that I hated space, Starfleet, and anything to do with either. Everyone believed it too – I was the kid who had lost his dad to space and his mother to Starfleet, among . . . other things. The only person who never did was my grandmother. She used to take me stargazing, despite my protests and reluctant enjoyment, and she would tell me stories about the constellations. She also used to insist that anyone with dilithium-blue eyes was destined for the stars, and that sooner or later I would see that she was right.”

Kirk made a wide gesture with his hands as is to say _And look where I ended up_ , giving them a wry grin. The crew blinked at him for a moment, and more than a few held his gaze a little longer than they normally would, noticing for the first time the way the blue of his eyes was just a _hint_ too blue, and the way they almost seemed to have the faintest of glows against the backdrop of space. As if reading their thoughts, the captain gave them a knowing look and turned his attention back to the PADD he'd been working on before Old Spock called, leaving the others to their thoughts.

It occurred to them, for the first time, how many coincidences had to have happened for all of them to end up back on the _Enterprise_ , even after Nero had entered their version of the world and changed everything. Or, perhaps it wasn't just coincidence. Most of the crew wasn't superstitious, but even they had to admit that something bigger than them had to be at play for all of them to end up where they were, on a starship captained by a man with his soul steeped in space and eyes the color of a starship's heart.

 

 


End file.
